The fucking end. Just another cunt in my life like every other fucking cunt. I hope you're happy with your new friends, Ashleigh. I hope they stick with you for the rest of your miserable little life. You can try and blame this on me all you want, and I know your "friends" will be right there with you. And I hope they are. Because I won't be. Not fucking ever again. I loved you with all my heart. We had a future planned. A life to share. And you threw it all away for a little group of people who will say everything you need to hear. Good. Have a nice life, you bitch.

The connection isn't broken. My friend came to me tonight. She is hurt like I am. Can't sleep, can't eat.

Tonight I took my friend back. The faith I had in that connection was not unfounded. I believed, and it was true, and that makes me strangly happy.

No more attacks. No more hostility. Ashleigh is my friend, and now she knows herself just what the connection we share means.

Don't tell me I'm setting myself up for another fall, because I don't want to hear it. I'm a big girl. If I am, I will fall and I will get back up again.

But I am fucking glad to have my friend back.

I mean... Sure it was 3 am when I stumbled into my house but the fact that I was severely tired, somewhat inebriated and completely malnourished today didn't seem to stop people from calling me today. I have gotten every kind of phone call today from, "I heard you fucked that hot chick from Orosi" to "YOU'RE A DEAD MAN MOTHERFUCKER!".

Yeah... So I heard. You're not the first person to lob a death threat at me and you sure as hell won't be the last. I mean, sure I have to watch my back for a while now but this is a small price to pay for the satisfaction I got from this shit. In fact... YES I DESERVE TO DIE AND I HOPE I BURN IN HELL!!!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Okay~

Today~

First off, I'm bored.
So here.
Something really mean, and bad, and harsh.

-

Well, fuck you and your fucked up personality.
You are one bloody hell of a turnoff and asshole.
The mere sight of you is like a provocation for war.
and for that matter, I'd love to sink a punch into your damned chest.

But nah, the goo and blood of a fucktard is plain disgusting.

You know what? I'd love to see how far you'd get being like this.
Oh yes. I'd loooooove to see that. How an asshat like you gets around in life.

(I hope you get run down by a big ass trailer or some shit)

Fucking asshole. Shut the fuck up, you know? Shut the fuck up. Everything that comes out of your mouth is dirt shit.
I wonder what you eat, until your entire damned mouth is a pile of faece.

I cheer whenever something bad happens to you. No joke. Nah. I actually open a champagne whenever you screw up something so badly.

Fucked up asshole, and an equally fucked up character, for that matter.. Wait. It's already implied you are a fuck-tard, no? Oh, by the way. Fuck you. Screw you too. Go to hell, and get raped (if ur female), castrated(if ur male), whipped, tortured, burned or whatever. It might not be even enough to repent for your asshole-ness.

And last but not least, you look like a retard.

-

Lolz. Really should start cursing a little bit more, ain't that right you shithead?

I have a checklist on what to write.

1. Romantic - Done.
2. Insult - Done.
3. ???? - WIP

0 voices

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Me and My Quiz Results

Technically, I should be doing my P9

But~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You Belong in Winter Quiet, calm, and totally at peace...
You're happy to be at home, wrapped in a blanket, completely snowed in
Whether you're lighting a fire or having a snowball fight, you always feel best in the winter.

[I agree with this, I mean, I like to snuggle~ HEHE]

You Are Impressionism You think the world is quite beautiful, especially if you look at it in new and interesting ways.
You tend to focus on color and movement in art.
For you, seeing the big picture is much more important than recording every little detail.
You can find inspiration anywhere... especially from nature.

[I agree with this too. Just that I need to get myself into the mood for it]

You Should Rule Mars

Mars is a planet that shines brightly and loops wildly around the solar system. You are perfect to rule Mars, because you are both energetic and independent. Like Mars, you seems attractive and bright to others - but you're difficult to pin down. You are a great thinker, but you only think in the present and ignore the future. Full of enthusiasm and inspiration, you are into your own thing... and rather insensitive to others.

Oh really? I wouldn't mind ruling Mars~

Your Love Number is 1 You tend to be a stubborn lover, holding your ground in every argument
You take your time falling in love. You aren't the type to lose perspective.
You are loyal (to a fault), and you require the same loyalty in your sweetheart.
At your best, you are a wise and inspiring partner - who sticks around.

O Rly? Hmm.. I'm quite doubtful.

You Are Navy Blue You're a true adventurer. You constantly find yourself drawn to new experiences, people, and places.
Sometimes you feel quite scattered and bored. If something exciting isn't going on, you feel a bit lost.

Am I? Well, some drama and fun is always nice... but.. sometimes.. Lolz.

You Are a Purple Flower A purple flower tends to represent success, grace, and elegance.
At times, you are faithful like a violet.
And other times, you represent luxury, like a wisteria.
And more than you wish, you find yourself heartbroken like a lilac.

Hmmm.. Didn't know that~ I don't think I'm graceful and elegant. I mean, I'm a guy goddamnit. Lolz, heartbroken is definitely true, though. haha


You Are Apple Red You're never one to take life too seriously, and because of it, you're a ton of fun.
And although you have a great sense of humor, you are never superficial.
Deep and caring, you do like to get to the core of people - to understand them well.
However, any probing you do is light hearted and fun, sometimes causing people to misjudge you.

Oh really? Lolz. These quizzes are so nice.

You Belong in Paris You enjoy all that life has to offer, and you can appreciate the fine tastes and sites of Paris.
You're the perfect person to wander the streets of Paris aimlessly, enjoying architecture and a crepe.

I'd love to go to Paris. Anyone willing to sponsor? (+1000000 Francs as well)

You Are a Black and White Cookie You're often conflicted in life, and you feel pulled in two opposite directions.
When you're good, you're sweet as sugar. And when you're bad, you're wicked!

OH YES! Finally Something That I agree on wholeheartedly.

You Are Teal Green You are a one of a kind, original person. There's no one even close to being like you.
Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible.
While you are a bit offbeat, you don't scare people away with your quirks.
Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.

Hmm, I see. Nice~ Rly? Dunno LER

You Are The Emperor You are an authority figure, and other people look to you for what to do.
You are strong and powerful. Crossing you is not a good idea.
You have worked hard to get to your position, and you're not about to give it up to anyone.
Though you have a warrior heart, you are gentle to those who treat you well.

Your fortune:

In the near future, you need to be willing and able to defend those you love.
This may be the time for you to step up and be the authority figure to those around you.
It is time for you to be independent, to become your own person.
You may need to look at your relationship with your father, or your relationships as a father.

The test above, is by far one of the most quirky ones. Just input ur name and wahla~

You Should Drive a Ford Shelby Mustang Cobra

You have an extreme need for speed, even when you're not in a hurry. And while your flying by, you don't want to look like every other car on the road!

Hahaha. I mean, nothing like feeling getting pushed back when you accelerate. It's like... A roller coaster. You can die any second. I love that feeling~

Your Love Element Is Earth In love, you have consistency and integrity.
For you, love is all about staying grounded and centered.

You attract others with your zest for life and experiences.
Your flirting style is defined by setting the scene, creating a unique moment in time.

Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of your love life.
You may take things too slowly, but you never put your heart at risk.

Erm~.. Erm~.. No comment.

Your Eyes Should Be Hazel Your eyes reflect: Intellect and sensuality

What's hidden behind your eyes: Subtle manipulation

Surprisingly, I do have hazel eyes. (more like light brown, but close enough)

Your Hair Should Be Orange Expressive, deep, and one of a kind.
You pull off "weird" well - hardly anyone notices.

That's the second time I got one of a kind. Am i really that weird? Fine, maybe a tinsy-winsy bit.. but still..

1 voices

Monday, October 16, 2006

qweasdzxc

It's mutually understood.

0 voices

Sunday, October 15, 2006

.oh.

It's 4.am, in the morning, and there's the soft glow of yellowish lights creeping in through the windows.

I'm wide awake, woken up by the thought of you that's before my eyes but forever distant.

The fan hums on ceaselessly, and it is like a nagging feeling right in your heart, always there, but only when it's quiet you actually hear it.

I'm thinking, what it would take, to make you mine, to make you willing, to join me for a quiet dinner.

Just the 2 of us, haunted by thoughts of how the future could've been, if you'd accept my hand, if you'd hold me.

It's 4am, I should get back to sleep.

1 voices

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Saturday, 14th October

Today.
Hmm.. Let's see..

Boring p6 class, and even more boring p8 class.
P6... erm.. what happened? Nothing lah. Except that the consolidation part was kinda boring.
P8, nothing much oso, except for the fact I wasn't really paying much attention. Lolz.

All in all, a boring 8 hour class.
So now I haf tax, and p8 tutorial to complete. Fantastic. I most probably should get started now.

-

Ish~ Nobody to stare at. Haiz... Maybe I should take a picture of her and put in it my phone. LOL.

-

1 voices

Friday, October 13, 2006

To You~

I hope you wouldn't be angry, and forgive me, for whatever I've may have done.
It wasn't my intention, it wasn't my willful act, to make you be so sad~

I'd want to see you smile, I'd want to hold you close when you sleep at night,
I'd want to hold you hand, when you're lonely, I'd want to be next to you, when you're sick.
I'd want to hug you, when you're scared, I'd want to be there for you, whenever you need me.

This strange thought of you, every night before I go to sleep, is a reminder of what life could be.
This, weird visions of you, every time I'm alone, is an inspiration for me to try a little harder.

If all the world would turn to ashes one day,
I'd wish even as ashes we'll be together.

If all the world freezes over,
I'd wish I'd be there with you till the very end.

(lolz, been a while since I wrote something romantic, no?)

1 voices

Why?

They say that good things never ever last,
and I, really should stop living in the past.
It was nice, too bad it had to go so fast,
but now, I find the world, once again vast.

0 voices

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Orcs

Erm, I'm so owned.

100mb .avi that's only worth like... 3-5 minutes of sheer musical pleasure? Of which takes about 30 minutes at least to download (on perfect connections, my dear)

But~

I'm very happy about it.

And I think whilst Angela Aki isn't really that hot, she is kinda cute with her thick rimmed glasses. Looks kinda nerdy. (not really bad. I like nerdy chicks... sometimes.) So yeah, watching her play the piano and sing, with an orchestra right behind her, is.. really an odd experience.

But strangely, she's sing Faye's Eyes on Me oso. Lolz.(I haven't downloaded that avi yet.)

Currently downloading.

Memoro de la S^tono Opening ~ Izumi Masuda - Distant Worlds


Weird title? Yep. That's what Final Fantasy is.

BTW, 'Prelude' must be one of the nicest ambient-choir(i made this word up) style songs I've ever heard.

0 voices

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Really?

I sometimes really wonder.
I've been keeping this question hidden for quite a while.
I always wanted to ask you, but then, it wasn't really important.











Are you... really happy?

0 voices

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Me? Nice. ^_^

You Are 74% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.
Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

0 voices

Dinner?

Your Birth Month is January

You are a natural leader who is able to stand up when no one else can. Strong and powerful, you tend to overshadow those around you. Your soul reflects: deep love, fascination with life, and a distinctive persona Your gemstone: Garnet Your flower: Snowdrop Your colors: Black, dark red, and dark blue

1 voices

Monday, October 09, 2006

Type Of Females To Avoid

[b]Ms. Workaholic[\b]
There's no doubt about it; a successful woman is very sexy. But many men forget the amount of work it takes to reach the top.

Still, too many broken dates because of late meetings. That signifies that this is a woman married to her job, and she hasn't quite figured out how to manage the delicate work/love life balance just yet.

The thing is, if you push for more time, you'll just be pushing her away. Best not to take her too seriously.

[b]Ms. Promiscuous[\b]
There are some women who just can't get enough attention. Everywhere they go, they have to find a way to be the center of male AND female focus -- not just yours. This is the mark of an insecure woman, one who won't be satisfied with just one man on her arm.

Initially, you may not mind competing with other men to become the apple of her eye. Some men even welcome the challenge. But it's a lonely game, and in the end, not worth the time or effort it takes to keep her focused squarely on you.

[b]Ms. Fickle[\b]
This is the chick who cannot make up her mind. Whether it's the green Sunday dress or the black halter top, she'll always take 2 hours ot make a decision. And if it's only clothes she has trouble picking between, imagine her in a relationship.

To commit or not to commit? Does she like you as much as she thinks or does she want more? Whatever the case, this is a sign that this is one person who is still a girl and not a woman. She's still not done from the High School-College phase where she wants the entire world at the palm of her hand.

[b]Ms. Goldigger[\b]
Lots of women want men to start taking them out on dates, or at least go Dutch. But there are a few women out there who want to take advantage of men who have stepped down to the equal-opportunity dating plate.

If you find yourself paying for everything, all the time, you're being used, dude. It might be hard to tell, because a user is a charmer, and she makes you feel like spending all your money on her is really what you want to do. Show some self-control, and if she doesn't start pulling her weight, you know that it's time to pull the plug.

[b]Ms. Know-It-All[\b]
There's a huge difference between dating a woman who is smart, and dating a woman who thinks she knows it all. Especially if she's the kind of chick who likes to point out how little you know.

You don't need to spend your date nights trying to show the chick you're with that you actually have a few brain cells too. That's a little too much work.

Rather than get into a battle of wits with somebody you're trying to get to know better, it might be easier to let the know-it-all go.

[b]Ms. Narcissist[\b]
Yes, vixens are the new women in our lives. They are awful nice to look at, but there is a limit to how much the woman you're dating should care about herself.

If you thought you couldn't compete with her father or her job, just think about how hard it will be to jockey for position in front of the vanity mirror. Everything from date place choices to the conversation revolves around her, leaving little room for you -- unless of course you're reinforcing how wonderful she is. Dump the b!tch.

[b]Ms. Broke[\b]
No, money isn't everything. No, money can't buy you love. But at some point, the woman you're involved with needs to have her financial life straight before you can consider her true dating/boyfriend/marriage material.

It's easy to get sucked in to dating a woman like this, because a lack of funds tend to make women very creative. You'll have fun, but you know you can't live on love alone. Enjoy her company if you'd like, but just don't take her seriously. And, as Kanye Wests says, women are goldiggers (see Ms. Goldigger above).

[b]Ms. Sensitive[\b]
Sure, every man likes a woman who's sweet and huggable, but not one who always lets it show or wants some affirmation from you.

Sensitive women get their feelings hurt easily and often, so they're constantly upset about something you did or didn't do, said or didn't say.

Unless you want to spend your dates explaining how you didn't mean to (fill in the blank), you might want to leave this woman alone. Besides, who's going to hug you when you're upset if she's always the one crying?

[b]Ms. Predictable[\b]
Granted, every date can't be like a scene from a movie, but you do have to put in a little work to keep your dating relationship interesting. Staying in and renting a movie is lots of fun, but not if you're doing it every time you're together.

He's not a woman you should stop seeing right away, though. You could take the lead and be the adventurous one in the relationship, or take some time to teach her what a fun date should look like. But if you'd rather he take the lead all on his own, you might want to find someone else.


So here comes my comments.

All the above EXCEPT Ms Predictable are good for ONS, or something to that sort. I really don't understand what's so bad about being predictable. At least you know how to keep her happy. If you love her, all you pretty much want, is for her to be happy, when she's with you.

But, definitely not permanent. (or you can start booking your mental institution room soon enough)

Personal opinions

Workaholic. Wtf... You want a family, but she's too busy. You want her to cook, she says she got some work to do. You just want to spend some quality time with her, and there she goes, with work. There's no difference between marriage or not. Might as well find a REAL wife.

Promiscous. A marital affair-bomb waiting to explode. Dude, these kind of bitches, they just want everyone's attention. They are self-centered bitches who don't really give much of a damn about you. (maybe you think they do, but it's just their tactic to get you to be more interested). So, just shut that part of your mind that doesn't have much sense, and avoid them for your own delayed gratification.

Fickle. Indecisive people simply piss me off, most of the time. I mean, what's so hard? Pick one, and hope it turns out well. Simply, I don't think you'll want to make every damn decison for her. Okay, you won't mind the first few years, but after a while, you'd expect she has some sense in her to make her own decisons

Golddigger/Broke. Once you're out of gold, you're a goner. That's just how you are.

Know-it-all. You'll get nagged to hell's end. You don't need someone to tell you how to sleep and eat and all. I eat how I like to eat at home. If I wanted someone to nag, I'll get my mom. (it's endearing at first, but trust me.. it'll blow up)

Narcissist. You come back tired from a long day's of work, and the only thing she cares about is whether her hair looks good. Wonderful, no? (I'll just take a gun and shoot her in the head.)

Sensitive. You accidentally touch another woman because the lift was packed, and she'll go on suspecting you are having an affair with that woman. Trust me, you'll SUFFOCATE to death in approximately 2 years.

_-------

I think they missed out two.

Miss Liar
Miss Manipulative/Backstabbing.

0 voices

Sunday, October 08, 2006

-_-"

Went out with Scott, Yumi, her friend, and 2 more of her friends. (Marvin.. and some guy that looks like CY's friend, which, btw, is a bloody pro at all the music games..)

Then... I was wandering around not knowing what to do... (so tempted to shop, but my mom told me before, 'no more clothes ar. the cupboard no space d') Haiz. So, must first buy a cabinet first. HAHAHA.

Watched Rob.B.Hood. Freaking. HILARIOUS. (although gets abit annoying at times, but wat the heck, it's still a funny show) (at least worth the RM10 bucks I paid.)

All in all, I laughed really alot today. (i came home all sleepy and tired... and even now still am)

Feel like hugging someone. For some unknown reason. *Hugs*

(I'm imitating Jade, which btw, is a bloody kickass name)

0 voices

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Application Of Standards Of Presentation

Projected Future Activities for the next day.

Prolly hanging out with Scott and his 'daughter' tomorrow, at Summit. Hahaha, bloody hell.
Nowadays it's like I haf one outing every 3-5 days. This is nuts. (Used to be like once every 1-2 month)

Hahaha.

This. Is. Not. Good.

Speiss Inc
Director's Report for the day

Cash - Not Enough (requesting cash injection from parent company)
Morale - Medium High
Health - Very terrible stomachache (I seem particularly susceptible to stomach problems)

Analysis of abnormal favourable variances of 'Movie Expenses'

MOVIES
An outing on average costs me about Rm15-rm20. (avoiding movie-watching like the plague, because I don't seem to get satisfied with movies.)

Fact. Movies = Rm10 (for instance, without student cards on new shows)

Cost v Benefit analysis of Movie, Karaoke, and Cybercafe

Movie = Rm10 - On average, not really satisfied. No food
Karaoke = Rm14 - On average, quite satisfied. Food/Beverages included.
Cybercafe = RM8 - On average, wanting more. No food.

Opinion on movie...
No TALKING = NO ENJOYMENT (dude, u hang out to spend time with ur kakis, of course u have to talk lar... I mean, dude, it's like... you haven't met these people for quite a while, and you want to spend valuable time together NOT talking?)

However, it is unaffected by size of group.

Opinion on karaoke...
Fun, but depends majorly on the room given, the song choice, and the accompanying parties. (all generally controllable variables, as such, not an issue) Most first timers have a problem with 'shyness' and 'fear' of their voice being terrible.

Actually, nobody cares. The more terrible your voice is, the better. We get to tease you!

Unfortunately, it has an optimum group size of 6-8.

Opinion on cybercafe...
Very fun, and often has an affect of creating alot of talking topics days later. Unfortunately, it is generally a 'male' event, as such, has a problem of 'exclusivitiy', and it is not a 'plug and play' type of having fun, as the group must have prior experience in the games to derive maximum 'fun'

It is generally affected by group size, but optimum size seems to be around 5. (most games allow 5 ppl per team) and generally a 'male' activity.

2 voices

Friday, October 06, 2006

Wow!

My goodness, wtf have I made myself miss??

OMG.

The sound.. Oh my god.

Music to my ears. Seriously. It oooooooooooozes power.

(BTW, saw a modded wajalution.. lol. Not bad)

0 voices

Thursday, October 05, 2006

merely tired

Or is it?

Just that? Being tired? Not mere physical exhaustion... But something more.

When is that break coming? When I can sleep, without having to wake up at the crack of dawn?
When can I dwell in my own dreamland, not bothered by the voice of my parents, or anyone else...?

I need that long nap.
Really... starting to feel...

tired.

I need more rest.

0 voices

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Lorlazalarax

What a disappointing Progress Test.
Haiz~

Anyway, Jason just introed me a simulation game. (LOLZ) It's free, but I'm liking it quite alot. HAHAH

0 voices

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

...

First off, thx Mel, aka Mi Yuan for introing a singer to me.

I liked this song,

(but it has lots of interruptions)

From ONE TREE HILL. (i don't watch, but this song is nice)

Bethany Joy Lenz - Let Me Fall/October

It's October again
leaves are coming down
one more year's come and gone
and nothing's changed at all
wasn't I
supposed to be someone
who can face the things that I've been running from...

let me feel
I don't care if I breakdown
let me fall
even if I hit the ground
and if I
cry a little
die a little
at least I know I lived
just a little...

I've become much too good
at being invincible
I'm an expert
at play it safe
and keep it cool
but I swear
this isn't who I'm meant to be
I refuse to let my life roll all over me...

let me feel
I don't care if I breakdown
let me fall
even if I hit the ground
and if I
cry a little
die a little
at least I know I lived
just a little

I wanna be somebody
I
I wanna be somebody
I wanna be somebody
I
I wanna be somebody
who can face the things that I've been running from

let me feel
I don't care if I breakdown
let me fall
even if I hit the ground
and if I
cry a little
die a little
at least I know I lived...

It's October again
leaves are coming down
one more year's come and gone
and nothing's changed at all...

0 voices

Monday, October 02, 2006

randomness exexexe

MATHEMATICAL + PHILOSOPHICAL POST

Remember Paper 7, on forecasting?

The four factors.
-Trend
-Seasonal
-Cyclical
-Random.

----

I was thinking about how to 'predict' random events. I mean... How'd you forecast something, that in it's namesake, is 'random'.

But I mean,

I once saw in NUMB3RS (cool show, with a rather handsome math professor), that the prof once said,

'There is random, and there's Random.'

I'm not sure what it mean, but mathematically, the first random refers to random with a certain specified set size.

As in, a random number from 1-9.

It has a restriction (referring to the numbers 1 to 9), as with all the issues in the world.

Tsunami (or Katrina or whatever), is a random event, but it has a restriction. I mean, it's naturally expected natural phenomenon, although the probabilities of one occurng is low, but it is not zero.

I mean, theoretically, we should've been able to forecast, or at the very least, brace ourselves for it's impact.

Whenever we place a 'restriction' on a random issue, we are indirectly saying this.

We know something, but we don't know enough.
I mean, are you saying tsunamis etc cannot be predicted?

By far, everything can be predicted, it's 'randomness' stems for having insufficient information, and for convenience we resort to calling it a random event and live on. That is how people treat certain particular natural disasters, don't they?

Also, on genetic mutation.
It's not really random.

Only the probability of it occuring is so low, that when it does actually happen, it's regarded as a random issue.

In short, random is an event with a very low probability, but not NIL probability.

But to resort to calling it low probability doesn't solve the question, as probability itself is a matter of merely ranking those that are slightly random, and comparing it with something that is very random.

Now. To dissect randomness.
Randomness, is when there is no clear cut pattern.

Actually, from my viewpoint, 'Random' stems from too many variables influencing each other.

All random events are not random.
All events are technically an event caused by 'cause and effect'. Too many causes, and too many effects, that our limited measurement of too little effects or tool little causes naturally shows an unpredicability.

Randomness, in audit terms, can be said to arise from our way of collecting information from the world, which is through a 'sample'. Our sample size is small, as such, uncertainty rises.

Actually all I want to say is.

RANDOM = NOT ENOUGH INFO

I need more time to dissect it further. 'Random' is such an interesting topic to think about.

0 voices

Oh great

Audit.

Will.

Be.

The.

Death.

Of.

Me.

0 voices