Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Reinternationalization?
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(me trying to sound deep, but failing miserably)
It's easy to fall asleep these days, since it takes nothing more than a few minutes of idle brain time for the exhaustion to take over and pull you in.
It's very easy to give up these days, since it takes little for you to walk away, and spend the time you have on something that at the point, seemed more fun.
It's easier still, to just say it's difficult and resign it as such, that we're stupid and we're not going to pass.
Life's always been easy. The easy road is always there.
---
Woke up, sleep, and then woke up again.
--
Horoscope tells me today that I should sing. Yep. Sing. So let's do it. SING.
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Sunday, April 27, 2008
Oddity 1.01
Had p7 class, finished our question bank, seriously I felt I had some confidence to deal with P7. P2 mock.. is this tuesday. But I really can't pull myself into one piece to actually study for it.
Yep. THat's all for today.
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Friday, April 25, 2008
Erm P2p2p2p2p2p2p
Woke up today, day started abit messy, dunno why. Went into Menon's class, felt strangely lost, as if I didn't quite know where I was. I took quite a short glance at the class, mainly at the many faces of those already in the lecture theater.
Theatrics, I'd say to myself, being here so early for a place, just to get lost when she teaches. It's not as if I'm here early because I want to. If waking up early had any benefits, it's the fact that I have a proper breakfast, Milo-Ais and all.
Regardless, class went on with the usual set of rhetoric, I sat uneasy, squeezed between two relatively attractive ladies I don't know. Perhaps I was intimidated, perhaps I was unnerved by the sudden OMG I don't know anyone...
Anyway, class soon ended, I felt even more terrible. P1 and I wanted to stay, but then my mind soon made a change of direction. A surge of flightiness, a sense of being almost ethereal, flooded the crevices of the skull, and soon I decided to leave.
Tired. Just goddamned tired. Strangely the further I was from the classrooms, the happier I felt.
Perhaps I'm not meant to learn in a lecture theater environment, crowded with 200+ people. I wish I could have a more informal style, with a lecturer that's far less imposing.
Anyway, I was thinking perhaps I could run a tutor service during the 2-3 months break I have before I actually start working.
Say, if I tutor Paper 7 or say, F9, would anyone be interested? XD
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Thursday, April 24, 2008
Tired
I'm tired. I just don't know why. Perhaps emotionally exhausted, waking up each day feeling that acca's life is strangely empty and lack a sense of satisfaction.
P7 exam tomorrow. Study.
---
Today is April 24, and we only have 40 days left to study. I realize that the next few days the amount of studying, and the way we study, must change. 40 days - 4 subjects x 5 days EDC = 20 days to self-study. Yep. GAMBATTE EVERYONE.
Mock may be near, but pray the knowledge we drilled into our brains will last us till finals.
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Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Considerately Crazy
Read well, don't answer without a clear idea of what they want. I made that mistake with P1. You shouldn't.
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Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Long Road To Freedom
If there's one thing I've learned online, it's that some people are just... no cure. Perhaps that's why they are online to begin with.
It seemed like they are stuck to certain preconceptions, (maybe myself too) but seriously... they shouldn't blatantly accuse without knowing or seeing it personally.
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Sunday, April 20, 2008
XD
*facepalm*
I guess that's why we should take resumes and cover letters seriously. XD
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Saturday, April 19, 2008
Sad The Way Things Are Turning Out
I don't know why you need to do something like that, really.
I hope you've thought things through, and not entered into it, blinded by the illusions these seemingly successful people has made.
They are illusions. A cleverly weaved web of lies, illusions, half-truths and exaggerations of the truth. Such stories can never happen, and what more, the structure of the 'organization' you are joining means it can never really happen. All the money, at the end of the day, goes back to the one who started it.
I've always known you were a little gullible, but I just can't believe you'd be so naive to fall for it.
I really wonder what happened in the so many years we've never met?
Has the city really changed you so? That money suddenly becomes so important?
I wonder if the same you I knew so many years back saw what you have become, I wonder what she'd say to you?
I hope you've thought things through, and not entered into it, blinded by the illusions these seemingly successful people has made.
They are illusions. A cleverly weaved web of lies, illusions, half-truths and exaggerations of the truth. Such stories can never happen, and what more, the structure of the 'organization' you are joining means it can never really happen. All the money, at the end of the day, goes back to the one who started it.
I've always known you were a little gullible, but I just can't believe you'd be so naive to fall for it.
I really wonder what happened in the so many years we've never met?
Has the city really changed you so? That money suddenly becomes so important?
I wonder if the same you I knew so many years back saw what you have become, I wonder what she'd say to you?
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Friday, April 18, 2008
Orchidial Dismembering
Once in a very long and rare while, whilst my mind goes trotting around the endless pits of boredom, (why btw, is seriously endless), it stumbles on a pile of shit that seems to have fallen out from nowhere.
Why, where did that come from? So I look up, and like all pits of that are endless, what we all see it just 1 dot of light at the top of it all, wondering what's that so far away.
Well, it so happens my mind wonders whether it's at the receiving end of a toilet, but quickly, interfering mechanisms spring into action to interrupt the thought before I end up with the sick feeling associated with being in a virtually real shit-hole. The very thought of walking through shit very much disgusts me, so the associated mind-overreaction of visualize and almost 'simulating' the situation is very.. to say the very least, sickening.
Alright, so what is this shit I stumbled across? Well, practically it's like an odd realization that what we've been doing all this while is shitting, just that we never realized it. Shit.
Anyway, did you realize that your shitting position can influence your health? I was intrigued when I read that a long time ago. Aka, they say if you shit while sitting, it's less healthy that you shit while squatting. Not sure how that factors into the shitting equation, but if the experts say it makes you more likely to be sick, then it must be true! (sense sarcasm, if you don't, you phail)
Odd isn't it? And a strangely fitting reflection of our lives, that how we 'release' the 'shit' influences our lives on so many different levels.
Anyway, enough of that self reflective shit, we have some real life shit to deal with. Next week is mock exam, and to be very very honest, I'm not at all prepared. The amount of studying I've done, although frequent, feels unsubstantial, and there is a real lack of confidence in all the shit I'm doing.
Yeah, I'm done with this blogging shit for today.
As a final teaser, how many times did I use the word 'shit' in this post?
(including all it's derivatives)
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Thursday, April 17, 2008
ARGH!
WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH ME AND MONEY.
The lady at ACCA said she didn't receive my email, so you know who I fucking blame? YAHOO. Fuck yahoo. (btw till today I haven't received my online copy of the results) So today, April 17 (1 month after the first email) she comes and tell me she didn't receive my damn email. FUCK, you could have told me earlier, isn't it?
Yahoo stinks. Or probably my email went into her junkmail.
Then the Sunway financial services, right hand don't talk to left hand one >< Sent it to payment counter, they say received on April 2 (btw I submitted 1 week before that which is March 24), and then now they say that the financial services side can't verify.
And you know what the fuck is the problem? NONE of them even bothered to give me a call to tell me that there's something wrong with my refund application. Useless. Now I'm gonna bring the entire thing to Fiza and ask her to keep it, just in case.
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Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Organize
I have a very very big problem, that's just getting bigger by the week. Alright, it's not actually a very big problem, but it's a problem nonetheless.
Why? My current com is home to some 4000 songs, and there's another 5000 to 7000 or so in my external hard disk which I use every 6 months or so, as a form of 'archive' What exactly is the problem, then?
Let's say you have a particular song in mind, and you don't know the name. Naturally, what will you do? Go through a list of 8000 songs? Let me tell you, I tried. Never found the song. Till today I was wondering what was the song called. Why is this a problem?
Generally the problem isn't that bad when you have an idea of largely what the song is, but when you only remember one excerpt, one climax, and there's days of music to go through (to illustrate, my current list has 1k songs, worth 2 days and 23 hours, of which 80% are crap)
And know what? If only I did some reorganization it'll make my problem so much less.
However, have you ever tried reorganizing about 300-400 folders? What more when they are assorted, like my share folders, where songs from various artistes are bundled in a folder.
Seriously, one of these days I ought to do some housekeeping. The problem is snowballing every time I acquire a new album. Haiz. Music is a big headache. Opening folders with 1gb of music inside lags the com, and moving them around can be time consuming.
Maybe after exams.
Bah, procrastinating, ain't I?
I also wonder why I download so much. Hoarding mentality, probably.
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Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Voyage to you
Sneeze.. AHHHHHHHHHHH CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
><
Hate to sneeze.
I hate sneezing.
Sneezes makes me hate.
LOL
Ah choo
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Monday, April 14, 2008
WingmanNine
Why come college when one can sleep at home comfortably, eh? Sometimes I ask myself that question. Alright, actually, it's I ask myself that question every time I regret I come to college, and I realize, that it's the people that makes all the difference. No doubt staying home is more comfortable, but what does that get me?
Man is inherently a social creature, and as such, if denied the chance to socialize it'll wilt. And besides, there's more girls in college than guys, so why not. ><
I realize I sound very much wrong when I say such things, but I realize there's no use window dressing the truth, so, what the fuck, you wanna be retarded, do it with pride. XD
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P4's syllabus finished today, so technically I'll start revising P1, P4 and P7 already. The last class ended not with relief, but with fear. The pilot paper question we did in class really sent any feeling of safety out of the window.
It's as if we've never seen the topic before, and here I am at least a few steps behind, when it's a topic already thought, and we thought we knew quite well.
-
Man inherently applies a sort of 'hurdle rate'. Anything above that is acceptable. (I've known this for a long time, but thanks sharee for prompting me to assess what is my own minimum standards)
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Study.
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Sunday, April 13, 2008
Torment 01
Friday was pretty eventful, started with Mr Goh cutting the class short, then followed with the EY trip. EY wasn't too bad, and those that went knows that the HR girl was cute, very cute. XD. At night had the usual friday yumcha, which I missed for the last 2 weeks because of other commitments.
Yesterday, (satyrday), I've had class at 9, in 3.7. It's been a while since I last felt like a student again, wahahaha. Suddenly it's like I'm back in CAT, young, energetic and probably slightly more crazy. P7's syllabus is over, at least.
----------
ANYWAY, CLICK THIS
It leads to a yahoo link on, WHY BEAUTIFUL WOMEN MARRY LESS ATTRACTIVE MEN.
Wahahaha, found the link on lowyat, and quite intriguing, although I have my reservations on whether it is applicable in our country. But from my sample size thus far, I'm quite inclined to agree. Women who were more attractive than their guys seemed to be happier couples.
-_-
So actually lah, guys yongsui not a problem, eh? XD
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On a more relevant note, went shoe shopping yesterday, saw Karen (or so i think it's her name), i'm personally quite surprised she remembers me, then erm, yeah.. Kinda spent quite a bomb on the shoes, but thankfully it's on my dad's expense after what happened at EY. XD
-
oh ya oh ya, what happened at EY?
I wore my dad's leather shoe, alright.. so, it was kinda we had lunch at the EY bistro area, and then! My left side's shoe sole came off. It was bloody embarrassing, trying to walk with the back end of your soles half hanging.
And so I had to endure walking with a malfunctioning shoe for a while, but thankfully it became a sort of a reason for me to talk to some people. Jen, who happened to sit next to me, said that Chu Sim's sole also came off. It was funny, that out of 40+ people who went, 2 had the same predicament.
Later on, when they had a talk, I was seated at the back, hopefully all the EY staff would be in front, and I'd have some privacy to pull out the soles at the back. Manala tau there's this lady behind me and PETER GABRIEL was next to me. Both of them looked at me like, 'oooo, aiks.' Wahahaha, I kinda wished I had a hole to hide in. XD
And I was VERY VERY grateful I decided to bring the PWC folder I had, because I could keep the soles inside. TO THINK if i actually walked around with 2 soles in my hands.. odd, funny, but darn embarrassing isn't it? ><
Next time, check your shoes before going to anything. It'd be even worse if you went to an interview and notice your shoe is screwed. ><
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Saturday, April 12, 2008
Sacre-blu
Lack of time is the main limitation in any production, any plans. Time is of the essence in ACCA, what more for one like me.
Do not underestimate time. It's relativity is incredible and always against u.
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Thursday, April 10, 2008
Not to say a surprise, but...
I've gotten myself involved with an online debate recently, on whether the price we Sunway students pay, is worth it for whatever we are getting.
And one thing I realized generally about ACCA students. They lack the ability to debate on point, usually ending up in constant mudslinging and insults. Wait... I think this generally applies to Malaysians, who frankly have a non-confrontational nature to them, who says, 'aiya nvr mind laaaa' as such, lack the ability to even think within boundaries.
I'm sick of people who argue with their dick and not with their heads, trying to win but not having substance to back their argument. Worse, they go off making assumptions about me which I never even said anything about, and I'm totally dumbstruck at how those assumptions have anything to do with the topic. It's as if they are trying to degrade my argument by attacking my character. (which btw, is a very popular political and judicial tactic, and in courts/politic, not only what you say must be of substance, but you yourself must be of unassailable character)
I view them as a slightly more upper class of Ah Bengs, having the same mentality. It's sad to say that their education has not resulted in their maturity to think and weigh opposing ends of topics. Worse, they love to harp on an insignificant issue like it's the biggest thing in the argument, and even then when I pretty much destroy their argument, they go ahead insulting me. Fantastic isn't it, Malaysian men, think with their dicks and ego, not their brains. I'm one for good, educated and well considered arguments, but when someone just shoves me with this kind of bullshit, I just... speechless.
Politics are a reflection of both the best and worse in a nations population, and I can see why politicians are so brainless, when the men that vote them in are just as bad. Any attempt, in my case especially to have an educated debate, always ends up with one side submitting to insults and very much unjustified assumptions of the opposite party. It's no surprise that politicians will go like, 'u tak suka, u keluar.'
Generally, when a guy thinks and argues with his ego, and not his brain, you pretty much know his temper is terrible. However, when a guy argues with his brain, he is usually pretty evil and tends to be a manipulative schemer.
TO BE CONTINUED (although i dunno what to continue with)
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Xenimorphic epiform
Pointless. It's like being stuck in an endless loop, wondering how to get out. I hate that kind of situation.
><
Anyway, I just wanna lol
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Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Er, lol?!
OMG MY TOOTH FILLINGS CAME OUT... ><
Bah, lazy get it refilled lah, they just gonna dig a bigger hole.
Anyway... tomorrow no class, kinda feel like going out somewhere... been a while since I last went shopping and that kind of stuff.
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Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Dead tired
L.o.s.s continues to manifest, thank goodness tomorrow no class. Finally some time to revise.
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Monday, April 07, 2008
Hmm
I think I got quite a bad shopping list lately. I'm probably looking for either a Tarantula or a G15, depending on price/design etc and I think I need another LCD monitor, since my CRT for my old com is seriously dying on me.
Tarantula/G15 - Rm300-400
Monitor, Rm 600-1000
That makes it about Rm1.4k
-_-
Looks like I probably need to start working ASAP.
----
Studies, 2 months to exams.
p1 - Literally dead, despite I've done regular revisions, the lack of question practice sessions is making me lose any confidence I ever had in the paper
P2 - Being menon's paper, I have some confidence in the paper. However lately I've haven't done much revision so I'm not really that confident.
P4 - Hell, till now I don't get any of the hedging techniques. Yes, I admit when he teaches I understand, however when facing the question, it's almost as if I've suddenly realized how insurmountable the wall before me is.
P7 - Logic, yes, but a tired man loses all sense of logic and principles, and I am one such tired person. I go to P7 tired, and my absorption is minimal at best. I constantly feel frustrated when I stare at the question papers and think, what the hell! why didn't I think of that!
Summary, totally not ready for exams. 2 months to buck up. -_-
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Sunday, April 06, 2008
Consider it done
It was quite a climb up the hill, what more when I'm only wearing sandals. Every step was carefully taken, knowing the lack of grip, and the sandy, loose nature of the terrain. I was perched close to the ground, hands searching for hard rock for assurance and support to move up. It was a slow climb, knowing that a fall, will lead to a roll, and eventually a crash into the hard cement, or probably granite, of the tombstones. It isn't quite a nice place to pass away, in a cemetery.
The view at the top was wonderful, one side facing the sea, with a view of the kemaman seaport on one end, and the smaller fishermen's docks on another. The sea breeze too, was fantastic. Cooling but not too strong, it was oddly, very peaceful, despite the sight of monkeys wandering around, scavenging and wrecking the grave offerings in search of fruits and other typical chinese kuihs. It was quite a place, surrounded 2/3 by sea, a cape of sorts, with a view of the inland beach just nearby.
Something about the sky that really made a person felt peaceful. The sky of KL is blanketed by smoke, and it seemed like the sky was really low and close. Walking around, looking up, often I feel as if there's an invisible wall in the sky, it's the taint of the industrial cities, it's citizens constantly feel as if even the sky weighs heavily on them. Here, in the looseness and the seemingly endless greenery as far as they eye could see, the sky seemed higher, and more comfortable.
Compared to the smog of KL, no wonder these city-dwellers seek to escape every now and then.
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Freed Limitatio
I like the reflection of sunlight in the morning, when the road's slightly damp. The road looks like gold. XD
I think I'm liking the colour red more and more.
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Saturday, April 05, 2008
Flying Easy
Hahaha, you kinda know when a town has a healthy racer population when you see 1 skyline and an evo in a local, seemingly dilapidated workshop. Not bad for a small town.
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Wednesday, April 02, 2008
667th
They say, 'If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything.'
I'll shut up now.
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Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Sixhundrenth of a second
Comp stomp lol fun. Fuck sora for being fucking pro at black hand. -_- Whilst I'm getting better at playing Reaper17, I feel the pacing is still too slow, or probably the arrangement of the units isn't particularly right.
But I've been getting plenty of desyncs lately, hell of annoying, really.
---
Time to vent.
-
I've always wanted to respect people. I've always wanted to force myself to view them with impartiality, that every action they take is based on a good reason. Over time, I've realized that it's getting harder to respect everyone. Over time, I've felt that perhaps enemies are a necessary thing.
Over time, mixing with people, we eventually realize that they aren't what we always thought they were, and sometimes, I can't help but feel like being critical on certain flaws in their personality. Perhaps the word flaw isn't correct, a more appropriate word would be a large gap in their humanity.
Or on occasion, a sudden glimpse in their reaction tells us so much more about them than mixing with them for so long. Time isn't a fair judge of character, but hardship is. I know I'm not perfect either, and I know I'm a terrible person at times. But yet these people, I can't help but feel as if they are in a conflict with themselves, and all their words, despite the flowery language and prose, is hollow, empty, and lacking depth.
Perhaps it's also a conflict in me, that I'm seeking depth in shallow waters. A place to immerse fully in, instead of the knee-deep pool. Perhaps that I'm tired of being tolerant and accepting, that despite everything, I feel there's a gap, a real lack of strength of ideals behind your character.
I realize I'm being too critical, or maybe just too self-righteous. Maybe I am. Perhaps in seeing how others, their characters empty, I'm forced to face with the fact that I may be very well the same, just another pawn in this massive game of chess, played by the hands of fate and destiny. That despite all I try, I'm just hollow, empty and maybe deeply lonely.
To never realize, is perhaps one of the greatest curses that I've seen in others. Ignorance is indeed bliss, for not knowing how empty one's own life is, is indeed one of the greatest gifts they could ever have, as it keeps them blind from the miseries, that despite it all they are nothing much.
I envy being oblivious. I wish I'd live life not knowing of anything necessary, that inside resides a deep sense of content and satisfaction with oneself and all it have, and doesn't. I envy those who are deeply in tune with themselves, that they can gamble their lives on 1 thing, 1 person, 1 event. I envy and look with admiration those who can be what they are and remain happy.
Perhaps despite all life has given me, I'm never content.
Perhaps I should just consider hijacking a Ferrari and speed till I'm about to be out of fuel, and end my life in a bang.
Perhaps I'm just tired.
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