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Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Without
Work isn't all that bad.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
I don't believe
It's rather quiet in here, with only the soft hum of my laptop's fan in the background. I take a short glance out my office window, onto the canyon beyond. A modern, human canyon made of towering glass offices, filled with men spending their days away.
Suddenly the door swings open. Thud! The door slams toward the wall, stopped only by the doorstop. Stood there was a mad person, who's eyes burned with the fire of an angry god. The silence was broken, the once clear air jolted tense, and his fury seemed to flood every nook and corner.
I swallowed my saliva, wondering what hell awaits me. I ponder whether it'd be a better choice to jump out the glass panels and fall 10 floors below, rather than to face the burning madness of one very powerful creature. Inside the part of me, which is endlessly in denial, started whispering those words that I've heard so many times.
'it's not you, it's not you.. it's not you...'
He looked around the room, at everyone there, not looking at us, but through us, with the infamous infinity stare. Who tickled the sleeping dragon, said the person next to me. Doesn't matter. When elephants go to war, ants get stomped to death. We're but ants in this place, and it's best to stay out of their way.
------
hahaha that was entirely fictional btw.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Call
I called on your phone, and waited when it started beeping.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
I wonder why you wouldn't pick up, and a little part of me got a little worried. Are you working a little too hard? Or so busy that you couldn't even see your phone?
I wonder.
Beep.
Beep.
I dropped the call, knowing waiting any longer is no different, but it won't stop that drop of worry inside to start spreading.
I hope you're alright. Work is work, but overdoing it isn't right either.
As a consequence
So much to do, so much to learn, so little time, so little brain cells left.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Farney
Note to self : Write about train ride, old lady, 2 young punks, and me.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Three bloody smiles
Sitting at the desk, I noticed, or more like, came to the sudden realization, that my life is full of waiting. Waiting for my paycheck, waiting for that next document, waiting for that one call, waiting for some people. I've waited for very long, and spent most of my life waiting. Waiting for things, that I should've pursued aggressively, waited for stuff that, as a result of my waiting, has passed me by.
But waiting considers a very crucial part of me, a part that enjoys waiting. The passive side of my personality, which finds waiting to be like a grace period for reflection, as if it was a reprieve from the regular chaos that life in our world often entails.
Yet it aggravates the active aspect, which often whispers to me at night, telling me I should've just gone ahead and gave it a shot, give a try, see how it goes from there. That part of me just wants everyone to shut up, let me have first hand experience, and get my hands all bloody and dirty.
Needless to say, such contradiction has often proved to be a big torment. As each action symbolizes which side of me I'm supporting, even a simple phone call can be symbolically a large, major decision and has often left me spending nights on end contemplating the step, and even worse, having second thoughts about whether I should even contemplate about the issue.
Thinking whether you should or should not think. Honestly I didn't know it could get so troublesome, but once it gets into that loop, it was no easy way out.
Sometimes I wish I had a mental coin I can flip.
Monday, September 15, 2008
At the railway
-
It's early in the morning, when the air is yet to be tainted by the fumes of machines, or blasted dry by the hot sun. The sun's merely peeking out of the horizons, with a few stray rays of light finding it's way through the silhouettes of faraway buildings.
As with all mornings it's that time of the day again. The rush when everyone else seemed so out to get somewhere, to do something, to be with someone.
I sat there, my fingers stirring the tea with a plastic spoon, whilst my eyes are fixated on the passing crowds, emerging out of the escalators from the KTM trains below. Those passed by are many, varied and perhaps characterized by their clothes, those who are working professionals, students, or a few others.
Most of them are faceless to me, thanks to the laminated glass that divides us. Perhaps it's better that way, it's less personal. Watching people leave, always leave a strange emptiness inside.
Intermittently I take a sip of that tea I've been stirring, my eyes wandering momentarily to glance at the fan, and the rest of the staff working, cleaning the tables and mopping the floor. I felt frozen in time, strangely. Almost as if I could see myself doing this daily, watching the girls that occasionally appear, reading their novels whilst they wait for something, or the regular gwai lous that take refuge and solace in something that reminds them of home.
Here I was, slowly taking breakfast whilst waiting. It was something I didn't have to do, but I just liked seeing her every morning. So I waited.
And I waited.
She's late. Felt like asking her why over the phone, but then decided that I should just trust that she'll be alright. I was in no rush anyway.
I took a short glance at the clock hanging over the side of the counter wall, and sighed. Perhaps I should leave, I told myself.
Yet I stayed. But only for a little longer.
7.40am. It's getting late, I stood and started walking away. And I left with a gaping hole inside lasting throughout the day.
-
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Surprisingly
I doubt our country is as bad as people say it is. Phillipines, Indonesia, Vietnam and Thailand all gets mentioned in inflation and all that. Malaysia, for some reason, doesn't.
I guess we aren't that screwed.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Stop and stare
Stop and stare. Sometimes, we'd stop suddenly and it hit us like a brick that the person we thought we knew, is now different, or for some reason, we started to see them in a different light.
I used to see some people that way. Until an event, or something, allowed me to gain a different perspective of them. It wasn't that what I previously thought was wrong, but more of them changing. Becoming a person that no longer should be viewed that way. A much better person.
I guess when you realized that a person is no longer that bastard you thought he was, you gain a different kind of respect for them. A much deeper kind of respect.
Many of us degrade and grow complacent. Many of us stop learning and build barriers. In times like this, I admire people who, by choice or circumstances, become better. Perhaps because they remind me that I too, should do the same and keep taking steps forward.
-
There's a chinese saying that goes to mean, before heaven casts great duties and powers on a person, that person must first go through bitterness, pain, toil and suffering.
Perhaps I guess that's why some people never seem to have luck in life. It's a great test to see whether they are that seed that blossoms in spite of all the bad influences in life. A trial by fire, to see whether their minds are right, their principles sound, before as a result of the trials, emerge a person who people will look up to.
Maybe it's such trials that give them that depth of experience.
-
Everyone is tested. But not everyone scores.
Am I emo?
Am I like.. emo? Because that sounded horribly depressing?
WOW!
I can depress people! OMG
hahahahahhaa
*depression-spreading* get!!!!!!!!!!!!!
><
hahaha
SWT?
Well that's a comment on one of the stories i wrote like over 9000 years ago.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
By A Longshot
Living on a budget. Hmm... I guess I should start to maintain cost accounts and do regular variance analysis every month, inclusive of detailed expense records.
I guess I can decide to be petty about what money I spend, AND still try to keep an eye for the long term. I wonder how is that even possible, wahahaha.
Anyway, so I really guess I should start to make note of some things on various fields. Who knows, if I don't start now, I'm probably won't ever start any time in the future. As I recall I told myself this a few times in my life. When I was 15, when I was 17, when I was 18, I told myself again and again I should really pay attention to these things.
Haiz.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Lost fiddling
Change is akin to a revolution. Swift, and painful. It's neither what everyone thinks it is, nor is it what I thought I would be most afraid of.
I always thought, I took change quite well. I guess that's what hindsight does for you, boosting your confidence in accepting change. Now on second thought, perhaps it wasn't very much so.
Funny how change changes itself.
4
Bad luck runs logn, until I take one deep breath. It's like breathing, so long as u don't pause to breath it out it'll stay on you.
Anyway, running some emo songs through 4 speakers instead of 2 is so much cooler. Songs become very emo...
Thursday, September 04, 2008
XD
Sick on my first day of work >< And erm.. I lost my IPOD nano T__________T
I guess it's an omen that I shouldn't be listening to too much music during work! XD. I will take it in good faith, dear whoever who's deciding whatever...
Monday, September 01, 2008
From East To West
From one jungle to another (the concrete one), from Banting's Pulapes camp site, (many thanks to the SAC members. As much as I think it's great, I think you guys are a little too stressed! XD), and tomorrow, Avillion Port Dickson with the rest of the September intake soon-to-be slaves of PriceWaterCooperHouse (MeaMY-It's intentional).
And we don't have consolidation prizes too! XD (CCO!!)
Well, ciao. Today's legally my first day of work. LEGALLY. But what the heck lah! Well, happy birthday to Chingyong and Chee yuen.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Without
Work isn't all that bad.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
I don't believe
It's rather quiet in here, with only the soft hum of my laptop's fan in the background. I take a short glance out my office window, onto the canyon beyond. A modern, human canyon made of towering glass offices, filled with men spending their days away. Suddenly the door swings open. Thud! The door slams toward the wall, stopped only by the doorstop. Stood there was a mad person, who's eyes burned with the fire of an angry god. The silence was broken, the once clear air jolted tense, and his fury seemed to flood every nook and corner. I swallowed my saliva, wondering what hell awaits me. I ponder whether it'd be a better choice to jump out the glass panels and fall 10 floors below, rather than to face the burning madness of one very powerful creature. Inside the part of me, which is endlessly in denial, started whispering those words that I've heard so many times. 'it's not you, it's not you.. it's not you...'He looked around the room, at everyone there, not looking at us, but through us, with the infamous infinity stare. Who tickled the sleeping dragon, said the person next to me. Doesn't matter. When elephants go to war, ants get stomped to death. We're but ants in this place, and it's best to stay out of their way. ------ hahaha that was entirely fictional btw.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Call
I called on your phone, and waited when it started beeping. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. I wonder why you wouldn't pick up, and a little part of me got a little worried. Are you working a little too hard? Or so busy that you couldn't even see your phone? I wonder. Beep. Beep. I dropped the call, knowing waiting any longer is no different, but it won't stop that drop of worry inside to start spreading. I hope you're alright. Work is work, but overdoing it isn't right either.
As a consequence
So much to do, so much to learn, so little time, so little brain cells left.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Farney
Note to self : Write about train ride, old lady, 2 young punks, and me.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Three bloody smiles
Sitting at the desk, I noticed, or more like, came to the sudden realization, that my life is full of waiting. Waiting for my paycheck, waiting for that next document, waiting for that one call, waiting for some people. I've waited for very long, and spent most of my life waiting. Waiting for things, that I should've pursued aggressively, waited for stuff that, as a result of my waiting, has passed me by. But waiting considers a very crucial part of me, a part that enjoys waiting. The passive side of my personality, which finds waiting to be like a grace period for reflection, as if it was a reprieve from the regular chaos that life in our world often entails. Yet it aggravates the active aspect, which often whispers to me at night, telling me I should've just gone ahead and gave it a shot, give a try, see how it goes from there. That part of me just wants everyone to shut up, let me have first hand experience, and get my hands all bloody and dirty. Needless to say, such contradiction has often proved to be a big torment. As each action symbolizes which side of me I'm supporting, even a simple phone call can be symbolically a large, major decision and has often left me spending nights on end contemplating the step, and even worse, having second thoughts about whether I should even contemplate about the issue. Thinking whether you should or should not think. Honestly I didn't know it could get so troublesome, but once it gets into that loop, it was no easy way out. Sometimes I wish I had a mental coin I can flip.
Monday, September 15, 2008
At the railway
- It's early in the morning, when the air is yet to be tainted by the fumes of machines, or blasted dry by the hot sun. The sun's merely peeking out of the horizons, with a few stray rays of light finding it's way through the silhouettes of faraway buildings. As with all mornings it's that time of the day again. The rush when everyone else seemed so out to get somewhere, to do something, to be with someone. I sat there, my fingers stirring the tea with a plastic spoon, whilst my eyes are fixated on the passing crowds, emerging out of the escalators from the KTM trains below. Those passed by are many, varied and perhaps characterized by their clothes, those who are working professionals, students, or a few others. Most of them are faceless to me, thanks to the laminated glass that divides us. Perhaps it's better that way, it's less personal. Watching people leave, always leave a strange emptiness inside. Intermittently I take a sip of that tea I've been stirring, my eyes wandering momentarily to glance at the fan, and the rest of the staff working, cleaning the tables and mopping the floor. I felt frozen in time, strangely. Almost as if I could see myself doing this daily, watching the girls that occasionally appear, reading their novels whilst they wait for something, or the regular gwai lous that take refuge and solace in something that reminds them of home. Here I was, slowly taking breakfast whilst waiting. It was something I didn't have to do, but I just liked seeing her every morning. So I waited. And I waited. She's late. Felt like asking her why over the phone, but then decided that I should just trust that she'll be alright. I was in no rush anyway. I took a short glance at the clock hanging over the side of the counter wall, and sighed. Perhaps I should leave, I told myself. Yet I stayed. But only for a little longer. 7.40am. It's getting late, I stood and started walking away. And I left with a gaping hole inside lasting throughout the day. -
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Surprisingly
I doubt our country is as bad as people say it is. Phillipines, Indonesia, Vietnam and Thailand all gets mentioned in inflation and all that. Malaysia, for some reason, doesn't. I guess we aren't that screwed.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Stop and stare
Stop and stare. Sometimes, we'd stop suddenly and it hit us like a brick that the person we thought we knew, is now different, or for some reason, we started to see them in a different light. I used to see some people that way. Until an event, or something, allowed me to gain a different perspective of them. It wasn't that what I previously thought was wrong, but more of them changing. Becoming a person that no longer should be viewed that way. A much better person. I guess when you realized that a person is no longer that bastard you thought he was, you gain a different kind of respect for them. A much deeper kind of respect. Many of us degrade and grow complacent. Many of us stop learning and build barriers. In times like this, I admire people who, by choice or circumstances, become better. Perhaps because they remind me that I too, should do the same and keep taking steps forward. - There's a chinese saying that goes to mean, before heaven casts great duties and powers on a person, that person must first go through bitterness, pain, toil and suffering. Perhaps I guess that's why some people never seem to have luck in life. It's a great test to see whether they are that seed that blossoms in spite of all the bad influences in life. A trial by fire, to see whether their minds are right, their principles sound, before as a result of the trials, emerge a person who people will look up to. Maybe it's such trials that give them that depth of experience. - Everyone is tested. But not everyone scores.
Am I emo?
Am I like.. emo? Because that sounded horribly depressing? WOW! I can depress people! OMG hahahahahhaa *depression-spreading* get!!!!!!!!!!!!! >< hahaha SWT? Well that's a comment on one of the stories i wrote like over 9000 years ago.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
By A Longshot
Living on a budget. Hmm... I guess I should start to maintain cost accounts and do regular variance analysis every month, inclusive of detailed expense records. I guess I can decide to be petty about what money I spend, AND still try to keep an eye for the long term. I wonder how is that even possible, wahahaha. Anyway, so I really guess I should start to make note of some things on various fields. Who knows, if I don't start now, I'm probably won't ever start any time in the future. As I recall I told myself this a few times in my life. When I was 15, when I was 17, when I was 18, I told myself again and again I should really pay attention to these things. Haiz.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Lost fiddling
Change is akin to a revolution. Swift, and painful. It's neither what everyone thinks it is, nor is it what I thought I would be most afraid of. I always thought, I took change quite well. I guess that's what hindsight does for you, boosting your confidence in accepting change. Now on second thought, perhaps it wasn't very much so. Funny how change changes itself.
4
Bad luck runs logn, until I take one deep breath. It's like breathing, so long as u don't pause to breath it out it'll stay on you. Anyway, running some emo songs through 4 speakers instead of 2 is so much cooler. Songs become very emo...
Thursday, September 04, 2008
XD
Sick on my first day of work >< And erm.. I lost my IPOD nano T__________T I guess it's an omen that I shouldn't be listening to too much music during work! XD. I will take it in good faith, dear whoever who's deciding whatever...
Monday, September 01, 2008
From East To West
From one jungle to another (the concrete one), from Banting's Pulapes camp site, ( many thanks to the SAC members. As much as I think it's great, I think you guys are a little too stressed! XD), and tomorrow, Avillion Port Dickson with the rest of the September intake soon-to-be slaves of PriceWaterCooperHouse ( MeaMY-It's intentional). And we don't have consolidation prizes too! XD (CCO!!) Well, ciao. Today's legally my first day of work. LEGALLY. But what the heck lah! Well, happy birthday to Chingyong and Chee yuen.
Dark Lord Of All Things Mortal
People, generally.
Mix the words up.
You have my thanks.
Blogskin created by Eclair, yours truly.
Base codings courtesy of Hilary, from her skin take to the sky. Inspiration also came from the same friend. :)
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