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Tuesday, December 30, 2008
suffered
I don't know where to start... My present condition is no condition to work at all. It's middle of the night and I'm awake. I try to sleep but it's painful. Everytime I do, my chest hurts, my eyes tear up because it feels so miserable. I hate being sick. I know I'm going to call in sick later, when it's 7am, then I'll tell them I can't go for work today.. But tomorrow, I only wonder how I'll get through if I don't get better. Every cough feels like my innards want to come out. My lungs seemed to shrink, my heart squeezed helpless in between. Ergh... I'm sitting here struggling to make sense of what I see because of my eyes all blurred from the coughing, yet I don't know what better to do.. It's a horrible sensation... though sensation is sucha nice word to describe it. It's like being choked and strangled, dying but not dead... I hate being sick. Really....
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Erm
On foresight, we lack some. :D
anyway, Ip Man was a good show (for guys). I'm personally looking forward to Tony Jaa's Ong Bak 2. I think that'll be a kick ass show too. (literally)
Yeah, I like simple storylines with lots of action, what harm is that? It's like gals liking to see lengzai. :D (besides, I don't have enough brain cells to take 'smart' shows)
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Exaltation 0001
Not much out there is like lying on the cold ground, looking and feeling light, almost weightless.
-
Yesterday. Rain
Today. Heavy rain.
Tomorrow. Sunny :D
-
I wonder where I put those shells I collected... Hmm~
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Canisters
I'm finally on leave :D *jumps around happily*
---
I've stopped writing, or more appropriately, typing some time ago. I didn't realize it as it happened, as so they say, the parable of the boiling frog. Sometimes, we only realize we changed when we think back of the things we used to do. Maybe it's just me, I've gotten quieter as time passed. I realize I've said less, spoken less. Maybe I've seen less things, so I didn't have anything to say.
Sad.
---
Thursday, December 18, 2008
I believe in idiots
I suspect my car knows when i'm acting like an idiot. It overheats whenever I do.
- = 0 = -
Monday, December 15, 2008
Kadang
Kadang-kadang, terasanya macam hati terusik, tapi sebenarnya hanyalah hati dan minda yang tengah memperdaya, mencipta cerita daripada tiada.
LOL
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Coming to terms
I have a lot to come to terms with in my life. Even now, 3 months into audit, I haven't really accepted that this will be how my life be for the next 3 years. It's difficult at times to see what I get out of doing this, being in this role for so long.
What do I learn, other than how to deal with shit that comes from all sides. Perhaps that is essentially the only valuable skill that audit provides, which I suppose precludes all the rest. All that notion of learning how to run businesses and shit? Pointless. Simply pointless. Most of us fail to see any value in the way things are run. Why? We don't honestly give a damn. I honestly wouldn't mind confining the rest of my life to a stable structure of just sitting around chopping PVs.
Call me unambitious, but reality sinks it once we start work. I'm not that driven or passionate as some people who can endure long hours. Blame my youth, but I'm still stuck at the time when I'm a lingering mongrel wandering the streets looking for food to eat, and half the time trying to push back the boredom that lingers in the every crevice of my existence.
I have yet willing to resign myself to a life of corporate slavery, for I feel like I'm dying a spiritual and emotional death whilst working in this miserable hellhole.
I asked a colleague of mine, why she joined audit. Being the typical teenager conned into accounts, she replied, 'stepping stone.' But to what, I ask? What does being in audit lead you to? Is where it leads the place we want to be?
I'm still thinking. Hopefully one day I'll know where I want to go.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Christmas Joy
It's christmas soon. Not sure whether I should indeed fall for the jollyness that now infests every shopping complex I step my 2 big feet in.
I honestly, sincerely thought about myself here in audit. Now, this is only my opinion, so for those of you who are still thinking about it, maybe it can help, but otherwise if you've set your mind to suffer irregardless, then you may take this article with a popcorn in your hand, sit back on a nice couch, and enjoy yourself. :D
It's about 3 months already. Work, as always, starts to pile up. It comes with the longer you stay in the company. I think that's bad, because the strange thing about our industry is, somehow, everything you do gets carried forward. It's historical, and yet it keeps snowballing on and on. It's sad. There's never a chance when you can just totally clear off everything you did and start on a clean sheet all over again.
I think I won't last. Maybe 3 years is a very lofty aim. 3 years is a long time, and things may change, with it, perhaps my personality will in time change to fit the job I am doing. But somehow I pray that I don't. It frightens me to become like them, so driven and consumed by their careers that they lose track of the things that to me, I can't bear to lose. I honestly don't know whether it's good, but like they all say, audit has poor work-life balance, and it's very well known that people who left audit say that suddenly they had so much free time.
I thought I could deal with the balancing act, but even now, it starts to prove a little bit harder than I thought. I dare say the fault lies in me, that I am not mentally well prepared to take the huge shift in lifestyles required by work. I'm still too used to nearly 19 years of taking life like a sea breeze, all light and easy.
-
Travel makes you see things. You realize that the things we used to think were so important, may actually be less important than they really are.
Things are viewed in perspective, when we see how people other than those we normally mix with, treat things.
Perhaps that is why. I've not seen enough yet, so it isn't my time. When I feel that things start to be less amusing, it's time I stop
-
When it wavers, go back and think. See. Read. Reflect.
Monday, December 08, 2008
Of absent presence
Dreams. I've lost a few this year.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
suffered
I don't know where to start... My present condition is no condition to work at all. It's middle of the night and I'm awake. I try to sleep but it's painful. Everytime I do, my chest hurts, my eyes tear up because it feels so miserable. I hate being sick. I know I'm going to call in sick later, when it's 7am, then I'll tell them I can't go for work today.. But tomorrow, I only wonder how I'll get through if I don't get better. Every cough feels like my innards want to come out. My lungs seemed to shrink, my heart squeezed helpless in between. Ergh... I'm sitting here struggling to make sense of what I see because of my eyes all blurred from the coughing, yet I don't know what better to do.. It's a horrible sensation... though sensation is sucha nice word to describe it. It's like being choked and strangled, dying but not dead... I hate being sick. Really....
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Erm
On foresight, we lack some. :D anyway, Ip Man was a good show (for guys). I'm personally looking forward to Tony Jaa's Ong Bak 2. I think that'll be a kick ass show too. (literally) Yeah, I like simple storylines with lots of action, what harm is that? It's like gals liking to see lengzai. :D (besides, I don't have enough brain cells to take 'smart' shows)
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Exaltation 0001
Not much out there is like lying on the cold ground, looking and feeling light, almost weightless. - Yesterday. Rain Today. Heavy rain. Tomorrow. Sunny :D - I wonder where I put those shells I collected... Hmm~
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Canisters
I'm finally on leave :D *jumps around happily* --- I've stopped writing, or more appropriately, typing some time ago. I didn't realize it as it happened, as so they say, the parable of the boiling frog. Sometimes, we only realize we changed when we think back of the things we used to do. Maybe it's just me, I've gotten quieter as time passed. I realize I've said less, spoken less. Maybe I've seen less things, so I didn't have anything to say. Sad. ---
Thursday, December 18, 2008
I believe in idiots
I suspect my car knows when i'm acting like an idiot. It overheats whenever I do. - = 0 = -
Monday, December 15, 2008
Kadang
Kadang-kadang, terasanya macam hati terusik, tapi sebenarnya hanyalah hati dan minda yang tengah memperdaya, mencipta cerita daripada tiada. LOL
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Coming to terms
I have a lot to come to terms with in my life. Even now, 3 months into audit, I haven't really accepted that this will be how my life be for the next 3 years. It's difficult at times to see what I get out of doing this, being in this role for so long. What do I learn, other than how to deal with shit that comes from all sides. Perhaps that is essentially the only valuable skill that audit provides, which I suppose precludes all the rest. All that notion of learning how to run businesses and shit? Pointless. Simply pointless. Most of us fail to see any value in the way things are run. Why? We don't honestly give a damn. I honestly wouldn't mind confining the rest of my life to a stable structure of just sitting around chopping PVs. Call me unambitious, but reality sinks it once we start work. I'm not that driven or passionate as some people who can endure long hours. Blame my youth, but I'm still stuck at the time when I'm a lingering mongrel wandering the streets looking for food to eat, and half the time trying to push back the boredom that lingers in the every crevice of my existence. I have yet willing to resign myself to a life of corporate slavery, for I feel like I'm dying a spiritual and emotional death whilst working in this miserable hellhole. I asked a colleague of mine, why she joined audit. Being the typical teenager conned into accounts, she replied, 'stepping stone.' But to what, I ask? What does being in audit lead you to? Is where it leads the place we want to be? I'm still thinking. Hopefully one day I'll know where I want to go.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Christmas Joy
It's christmas soon. Not sure whether I should indeed fall for the jollyness that now infests every shopping complex I step my 2 big feet in.
I honestly, sincerely thought about myself here in audit. Now, this is only my opinion, so for those of you who are still thinking about it, maybe it can help, but otherwise if you've set your mind to suffer irregardless, then you may take this article with a popcorn in your hand, sit back on a nice couch, and enjoy yourself. :D
It's about 3 months already. Work, as always, starts to pile up. It comes with the longer you stay in the company. I think that's bad, because the strange thing about our industry is, somehow, everything you do gets carried forward. It's historical, and yet it keeps snowballing on and on. It's sad. There's never a chance when you can just totally clear off everything you did and start on a clean sheet all over again.
I think I won't last. Maybe 3 years is a very lofty aim. 3 years is a long time, and things may change, with it, perhaps my personality will in time change to fit the job I am doing. But somehow I pray that I don't. It frightens me to become like them, so driven and consumed by their careers that they lose track of the things that to me, I can't bear to lose. I honestly don't know whether it's good, but like they all say, audit has poor work-life balance, and it's very well known that people who left audit say that suddenly they had so much free time.
I thought I could deal with the balancing act, but even now, it starts to prove a little bit harder than I thought. I dare say the fault lies in me, that I am not mentally well prepared to take the huge shift in lifestyles required by work. I'm still too used to nearly 19 years of taking life like a sea breeze, all light and easy.
-
Travel makes you see things. You realize that the things we used to think were so important, may actually be less important than they really are.
Things are viewed in perspective, when we see how people other than those we normally mix with, treat things.
Perhaps that is why. I've not seen enough yet, so it isn't my time. When I feel that things start to be less amusing, it's time I stop
-
When it wavers, go back and think. See. Read. Reflect.
Monday, December 08, 2008
Of absent presence
Dreams. I've lost a few this year.
Dark Lord Of All Things Mortal
People, generally.
Mix the words up.
You have my thanks.
Blogskin created by Eclair, yours truly.
Base codings courtesy of Hilary, from her skin take to the sky. Inspiration also came from the same friend. :)
Picture belongs to muszka of Devianart, added, by myself, with thinking bubble and text.
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