It's early morning, that favourite time of mine when everyone else seem to be hectic. Rain is merely adds oil to the fire. Messy, distraught, lazy. It's etched on the faces of most car drivers that past by... I wonder when all of us started being like this, because I'm sure others see me the same way.

Seamless, the transition seemed. Before you know it, those small changes you've kept making suddenly amounted to something big. Was this the parable of the boiling frog, in action? Some mornings I wake up wishing I could just not go to where I am needed, but where I want to be. And yet, I still keep at it, and before I knew it, waking up at 6am became a part of me, ingrained within my biological clock, like the programming for me to work, has been completed.

Someone asked me whether I feel like the 'Shang Ban Zhu' (mandarin pinyin). Or in short, whether I really feel like a working person now. At times, I really do. At times, I feel like the dream of having an easy life is so far away, as if there's an invisible ceiling hanging over my head, doomed forever into this pit of worklife.

I still don't know. A part of me wants to cling hard to the belief that work will one day pay off, that what I do each day is a step in the long march to freedom. That one day, I will reach somewhere I want to be. A point when time, is mine, and only mine, given to others at my choice, and not because I have to give them my time.

I feel work is pretty much like prostitution, you sell your brain, body, energy for money. Maybe it really is. I hope one day that will change...

It sounds so sad, doesn't it? I try to keep an open mind about things, still dreaming of the day when I will get a life where work is something I choose to do, not something I have to do. But where will dreaming get me?

We all have dreams.. But now I realized what it meant to really pursue them, and realize, that perhaps many of us, despite how we say we have big dreams, are all nothing but talk, easily distracted by simple pleasures.

Mediocrity. We may not realize it, but we are doing it.
First step to change, as they say, is to do something.

I hope I get something done.