I guess after a while of reading my blog, some of you probably came to the conclusion that work's gotten me down. Hahaha, surprisingly, despite still partially working at 1.34am in the morning in a hotel, I'm actually feeling pretty damn good.

I actually began to realize why I started to dislike audit the past few weeks. It was a sense that I was given more than I could handle, or the exact opposite, where I have to squeeze my brain to actually figure out what to do and what to spend time on. A colleague of mine who recently resigned, or should be resigning / clearance today told me that she resigned because she hated the administrative aspects of audit, and I agree. Audit work itself is pretty nice, save the occasional vouching (which even then, I actually enjoy pretty well).

For close to a month now I've been living of a suitcase, going home for short weekends that come and go, which is actually the main reason why I'm pretty upset with that aspect of my life. I'm close to dead tired, and yet break is so short. Hahaha. -_-. I really don't know. Some days, audit is something that I feel I can enjoy and perhaps subconsciously, I enjoy it very much when I can get all the damn numbers to agree. Seriously. Agreeing numbers is like playing with puzzles, and as with puzzles, there's the blunt force way to go with it, or the memory way of matching pieces in ur head.

Living in Seremban, I actually think I'll miss it. There's a bit of fun of wandering around the entire place looking for a place to eat. And yeah, mamak food (which I have every day), is actually pretty good. More to prove that actually, I'm very very malaysian... Hahaha, now that I think of it, I doubt I can live with the bland nights of Australia.

Looks like I'll probably have to strike off Australia from my potential countries to live for 2-3 years in.. ><

Maybe Vietnam or Cambodia would be an interesting place to go to...
I don't know whether it's natural, but I somehow feel like living the indiana jones life, of going from small, backward countries to another backward country, hopping around places few visit, and even fewer enjoy. Hahaha, though admittedly at times the thought of living the good life, jetsetting from city to city does come to mind, but the wandering vagabond image doesn't seem too bad either... hahaha . What say you?

Working life, it puts alot of things in my life into perspective. Do I mind being a volunteer in africa? Or maybe, a taxi driver in India? Or perhaps a preacher? I didn't mind the thought of doing audit because I thought it would let me see the world. Indeed it has, but like a drug, now I actually want to see more of it. Different sides of the world. From lenses different than what it is now.

When I heard about the sotong season coming whilst we were having b'fast at a mamak today, I somehow wanted to try go on a boat with the nelayan-nelayan, and live that kind of life for a day. Given time, I'm starting to be more clear with what I want to do.

I don't mind suffering. And I even enjoy it if it felt like I made a difference that matters. I guess over the next 2-3 years, what I really need to learn, is the willpower, to actually make a decision which will let me do what I want.

I honestly hope now, and hope, like a self-fulfilling prophecy, that I will be what I want to be.

In the meantime, life's not too bad.
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Sunday, April 19, 2009

Short weekends

My week fades away so quickly. Somehow I remembered that poem we learnt in secondary, about life's a brief candle.

I want a break.

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