Devilsborough Inn

Meaning.

2011-03-13T15:32:00.000+08:00

What is the meaning of life?

Is there any?

Entitlement

2011-03-04T21:25:00.002+08:00

We are the products of our society.

We are the results of our environment.

We are what society shapes us to be, what our education molds us into.

We are not as in control of our lives as we think we are.

If all our lives we've known a door as a door, and a window as a window, would we have ever thought about breaking down the walls? Or even, climbing through the ceilings? Or lift up the tiles? We are the product of our inbred biases, our internal choices.

I am a victim of my own education. An unknowing sufferer of rules that I have never consciously paid attention to, but has wholeheartedly obeyed subconsciously.

Occasions

2010-11-26T22:21:00.002+08:00

There are many ways to it, our expression of emotions that momentary engulf us, and each of us, within ourselves there is that one path which we use to express it. Some, force it onto themselves, compressing it believing that they can take it, and it is their fate and they are meant to endure such emotions. Some scream and yell, letting it all out for the world to see.

Perhaps this is how, I choose to express my emotions. By withdrawal. By running away. I don't think it's right either, but perhaps this was how I've trained myself to react against things that go against my will, instead of how I used to just blow up in front of everything.

Perhaps why this is making me feel so miserable, is because it makes me feel inadequate, and as a result I strive to exceed myself

ranting

2010-11-20T19:15:00.002+08:00

It's a Friday's night, and I'm leaving for home. It rained and thundered a while back, but when I got to my car the wet weather was at it's last laps, dwindling down to mere occasional droplets on the windscreen.

I love how everything is after the rain. The lights are clearer, the buildings sharper, and the air feels just about right. Driving home, soothes the soul somewhat. There's a calmness to it, there's a weird warmth of heading home, the one place where the externalities of life are exactly that, mere externalities, easily discarded in the place where one releases their internal energies.

Lately my journey home has been accompanied by slow music. I've never asked myself why, but I think it needs no explanation. Music, like art, is something you just identify it at a subconscious, subliminal level. Slow music set against the night lights and tall buildings, over time, evokes a kind of sadness, or more appropriately, a kind of aged, jaded bitterness about life, like someone who's lost everything, and has come to terms with the fact.

cleanup1

2010-06-26T15:19:00.000+08:00

Unless you have increasingly more space, the old must make way, for the new to take place.

Musically inclined

2010-02-21T23:04:00.001+08:00

Music feels better when you're out to enjoy them with your heart.

Between god and a little while more

2010-02-18T19:27:00.002+08:00

Change, is scary.
One moment we're here, the next we're on a journey to a place a thousand miles away.

I've recently watched "Up in the air", acted by George Clooney.
Strangely, I somehow wish I can end up like that, feeling most at home being on the road.

One lesson

2010-01-24T23:28:00.001+08:00

One lesson I feel our generation needs to really learn, is to be able to confront suffering, and accepting them as part of the cycles of life. Constant avoidance of suffering, perhaps temporary comforting, is merely a postponement of suffering.

Above all, I hope I myself can understand it, practice it, and embed it within myself, that suffering is something that we must all go through to be who we want to be.

Yet it's still so hard.

Uh.

Beginning with a bit of appreciation

2010-01-02T00:34:00.002+08:00

Let's begin the year with a bit of appreciation :D

Every now and then news gets to you, that says hey, 'so-and-so is making RMx,xxx', or so and so is working in singapore/australia/new zealand making aud21/hour and works 3 days a week only! At first, I'm jealous. After all, the money is very good, and tempting. In all sincerity I contemplated, and I considered the options that are available.

Or perhaps that entrepreneurial friend that gets talked about during gatherings about how successful and well off he is now. And again, I think, I wonder, and I imagine.

And yet I made no action.

I've asked myself why a few times. Inaction? Laziness? Often I just shrug the matter of as a passing fad, a desire to keep up that's probably irrelevant. Lately though, as those news gets more frequent, that envious voice gets stronger, and I can no longer ignore it with a simple statement that holds no water.

I had to sit, and really think why I'm not doing anything. That envious voice needs to be silenced with a strong dose of logic and reason.

And this, is what I came up with.

For all the complaints I have about work (and there aren't much), fundamentally I like my job. I've grown attached to the flexibility and the times when y0u get to go off on long breaks. Heck, even the peak is actually quite exciting because there's a kind of adrenaline rush to having a deadline, and a sense of accomplishment when we achieve things.

Then there's the social aspect. I like having friends that I can easily hang out with, and the sense of belonging. It's something that endears one to whatever he is doing. Point is, am I happy? If I am, there is no point leaving. Money can't buy happiness and satisfaction, and if I'm satisfied and happy, I don't need the money. And so I stay. True, I believe they'll be a point when I will need to do something, but now, in this period of time, I'm staying put. =D

There is no point for me to make such a big jump for a difference I don't need.

Meh

2009-12-30T22:57:00.002+08:00

Generally I like the cyclical nature of audit, but it's the non-audit matters that really breaks it for me.

I know I hate it, but there are things I feel are my duty which I will do out of my sense of responsibility. Then there's audit.

I hate the fact that peak is during chinese new year. I hate the fact that peak is during the 'qing ming' festival. I hate the fact that so many events involving family that happen during peak, and it sucks, because I don't like to have to choose and make such decisions that I feel like I lose either way.

Fark audit.

XD####

2009-12-30T22:33:00.001+08:00

I think the inactive picture suits the blog well.

New year resolutions

2009-12-25T16:03:00.001+08:00

2010. new year resolutions, and what I aim to achieve in 2010 =D

Hmm.. Uh.

1. Quit audit?
2. Get a better job?
3. Make a million bucks?

=D Wishful thinking....

On the question of doubt

2009-12-24T22:13:00.002+08:00

As the year approaches closure, newspapers and magazines are now filled with articles wrapping up on the year that will soon pass, it's also come to me to wonder what has 2009, meant to me.

If anything, I felt I learnt much this year, and realized that it's still a huge world out there.

not in the doubt of chaos

2009-12-17T19:28:00.003+08:00

It's no longer a matter of if, but when. Somehow I'm worried about the promotion this coming June 2010, if, and a big IF, I get skipped over for promotion, what will be my next course of action.

I'm certain I will not stay, should it happen. But to where...

Maybe I should start applying for scholarships.

Conundrum

2009-12-08T18:07:00.000+08:00

We believe that in life we should always try to do better, and others expect us to do so too.
Yet in love, we are always expected to be satisfied with what we find, and not look further?

Write slowly

2009-12-02T21:14:00.002+08:00

I leave work early these days, and honestly, it's because I feel lazy. It's great that I don't get held up with plenty of work, but then again a part worries on the challenges I'm missing out on, the experiences that I would've had. Oh the perils of opportunity cost XD

Work strangely is becoming a routine. After being familiar with the client whom you contract with, and we become more confident with ourselves, our work, and the nature of our client/superior-relationship stabilizes, time somehow passes faster. Indeed that actually what we need to work on, perhaps is not the technical aspect, but the personal side, because once I felt comfortable with the client, or my bosses, questions and conversations are much much easier.

Not this side of the world

2009-12-01T20:35:00.002+08:00

It's about 6.30 when my will gave in to my restlessness. Quickly, I kept the scattered stationery, and stuffed the still-shutting-down laptop into the bag, slung my bag over my shoulder, and left. It's something i've done many times, the process of packing up and leave, yet every time it still gives me a tinge of joy that a day has come to an end.

A long overdue matter

2009-11-30T22:45:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, (a word I happen to use alot), reminders on who you are, and who you think you are, comes from the weirdest comments, whom gave on without such intention. My boss (who is soon to leave), told me my "England very powderful", and I should proofread my sentences and emails before sending to the client. Oh lord. THe shock. The horror. My heart skipped a beat, and then the message slowly sunk in.

But I take no offense, and indeed am grateful that I receive such reminders in life. It was that final nail in something that I've known to be a weakness of mine for quite a long time. There are times when I posted things on forums, which on re-read, made absolutely no sense to myself. Or when I talk, and then midway it occurs to me that I'm not getting my message across properly. I've always brushed it aside because I thought perhaps it was just me, overthinking and underestimating the abilities of others to comprehend me, and apparently, I don't.

It might be the environment, or the setting (in a work environment), that adds weight and urgency to this need to improve. I suspect this is something that has been long overdue.

As one of the few reactions I'm taking to address this weakness, one of which would be to restart my blog. The reduction in amount of writing I do as a hobby, I believe has been one of the contributing factors to the retarding of my abilities to communicate.

Blogosphere, I'm back. Though honestly I'm writing for myself, but whatever the reasons, outcome is the same. =D

Faith and doubt

2009-08-12T21:51:00.002+08:00

I've learnt another thing whilst on this job. Sometimes, it is right to doubt others for their judgment. Sometimes, we must have faith in our own judgment and understanding of people. Sometimes, we must not side with them because they are our friends.

Doubt, is subconscious. And our subconscious may be clearer than our conscious mind. Our discomfort is sometimes a natural reaction to something which our subconscious sense as.. inappropriate. Our instincts, are more honed than we believe. Instincts and the mind are counterchecks of each other. One will doubt the other, for it is our ability to reason between both, that gives us an edge.

If you are withheld from promotion, and are thus dissatisfied, have you ever looked at yourself and ask why? Experience, isn't everything. Especially when all those years didn't seem to add into your competence, attitude and work-ethics. Knowledge isn't everything. It is our approach to life, and work, that matters. Oh, if only I could tell it to your face, that your misfortune and suffering may very well be your own doing.

On second..

2009-08-07T21:55:00.002+08:00

Gotten a fair bit lost the other day, whilst trying to drive to my usual workplace. Traffic... well, is as usual, retarded. But I like traffic. Traffic... in KL, is about choices. Traffic, is human interaction at a larger scale. It's how people, choose. So many people, so limited choices.

We, as an individual in a particular car, too. So many ways to go a place, and with so many ways, so many lanes as well. Traffic.. is dynamic, and often the most common question we end up asking, WHAT IF, I was on that lane. What if, i took that other road. What if this, that and everything other the sun. Choice.

Yet we have to live with the choices we make, despite it all, despite the what ifs that come around, or the regrets that comes along the way. It's like being stuck in the wrong lane, when the lane just next to you is zooming past. Greed, is there. That urge to get ahead, is screaming in your mind. It's inherent in us, but it's easier to resist when we can tell ourselves that things will get better.

People are willing to put up with not getting something, if they are convincing that there's a bigger carrot at the end of the line. Delayed gratification, so they say, and I would say ourselves as auditors too, are willing to put it with so much for the same reasons.

Oh well. Sleep..

Crimpted

2009-08-04T21:30:00.002+08:00

It is not in the lack of spirit that wears one down, but one that so full of it and yet amounted to nothing.

-

I sometimes enjoy indulging myself, little treats to remind myself that happiness is not something that is given to us, but something that only we can give ourselves. It is that which reminds me so that work, will still be work, but misery or a sense of calm is one which we enforce onto ourselves.

And yet it is also a clear reminder, and note for my future reference, that one's sense of accomplishment and responsibility must arise from having a sense of control over one's life, or at least, significant elements of it. We want to feel empowered by our jobs, that the firm enables us to carry out what is expected of us, and in return we are rewarded. Hopefully I will remember when I have subordinates.

-

Sometimes training is what reminds us how normal working life it's like. Training is boring, we're generally blur, nothing much is expected out of us, (entirely like being a normal drone) and we go home at 5.30. To acclimatize ourselves for commerce, training for a month sounds appropriate.

-

Recently I've been really... disturbed by a particularly unsettling turn of events. I didn't expect it, but I should've known. I really should. Yet it is a good lesson, that some people are just... misguided. I'd wish I could slap the fella. I really, really do.

People are different. And in more ways than we think. I should keep that in mind.

-

I feel like I'm going nowhere with my life. Hmm... So, what now?

Sleep

2009-07-30T22:49:00.003+08:00

In between the moments of the unconscious living, and the conscious dead, we tread, akin to walking a thin rope across ravine miles deep, our lives at stake for nothing, and I am but a cryptic fool drowned in boredom.

Grow up

2009-07-27T22:10:00.003+08:00

I think it's hard to tell someone the truth. Especially when you know they are being stupid, immature, and unknowledgable, despite how they act all high and mighty. Even more, when they are your friends.

I once read that if they are really your friends, they deserve to know the truth. Yes. I'd love to give people a piece of the truth, but they won't want to hear it. People's perception as one who goes on telling people the truth about them, as someone who's out to break the status quo, or I'm just having a bad day.

Sad. If only there was a way to make a 'truth' tablet and let them eat it, and somehow 'enlighten' them to the truth about themselves. Heck, I could use a lot of those for myself!

Truth is bitter. Hard to swallow. But so is work. So is misery, shame, the feeling of being left behind. The jealousy and envy of watching others who lead better lives, are also bitter, and hard to swallow.

Still though, it's hard to be truthful to others. They take your remark not as a desire for them to be better, but as a complaint, a nag like a parent. Inevitably as a result of truth, we'll drive people away, out of fear, as people are all comfort-seeking creatures for all they claim not to be.

I am aware this also shoots me right back in the face. But sometimes, truth said out is both meant for others, and ourselves. In fact, subconsciously it may be this telling to ourselves, that voice inside projecting it's thoughts hoping that by writing, and typing, we somehow realise that we are a fallacy like any other, none the brighter but are where we are for our choices.

I call for a sense of humility, that we are not right. More often than we think, we are wrong, or if you wish to stretch the truth, half-right. Either way, it's not being perfectly right, as such ANY opinion you have, if criticized fairly, should be taken as such. Our ideas are flawed, for however right u may feel.

It's just so hard though, to tell them still that your thoughts lack depth. As in, they come across as something with little effort or thought put in, without a good 'thought process' as they call it, before it is iterated.

It is understandable, even 'justifiable' if we hold an opinion as a result of us feeling unfairness and victimization. As it is once used on me, the wolf calling an unreachable grape sour, this holds very true. But to make life changing decisions despite such emotions would be akin to knowingly and consciously limiting our choices, and thus I would call this absolute stupidity.

As we grow up, and I indeed hope most of us do (emotionally), we normally get our of this 'world revolves around us' mentality. Yes. That is normal. But what is also normal, is over-doing it.

Oh well. I'm sleepy. G'nite world.

2009-07-26T16:11:00.002+08:00

I used to remember something catchy, or thoughtful that occurred to me, and I'd write it either here, or somewhere. These days, those thoughts still come, but somehow when I actually got to writing it, it just slipped and I go like, 'oh, wtf was the thing that I wanted to write about again'. Then I go on trying to recall, but because it's so fleeting I have no recollection whatsoever.

I think my mind is more dispersed these days, as if I have that many things in my head that needs my attention (i don't). I probably need to start working on sudoku, and do a bit more 'analyzing' of things I'm genuinely interested in.

I think work, whilst it keeps the brain actives, it merely promotes routine use of certain segments. It is the trying of different activities, at different depths that keeps all those unknown segments awake.

So if I'm old someday, I'm not gonna work. Maybe I should do a PhD and do research :D

A twist

2009-07-15T21:52:00.002+08:00

*kark* It kinda sounded like wood breaking, but then I realized.. it was my hand. Well, did you know that the cracking sound our hands make arises from nitrogen bubbles? (or so i recall, pending citations)

Wake up

2009-07-12T21:03:00.002+08:00

Shit.
Yeah. Generally.

I think it takes a while to hit you. We keep wishing and hoping that this is temporary, simply because we haven't accepted the fact that we're just growing up, and perhaps faster than we hoped. Still it's hard to believe that adulthood, and the miseries of WORK, is already here. Even harder to stomach is the fact that we have to accept such a lifestyle for the next few years. And most importantly, and perhaps most frighteningly, is how our dreams will get crushed before reality.

Work in itself, as of now does not depress me by much, as the bitter pill grows less bitter with daily consumption. (but doesn't change the fact that the pill is still bitter, u just don't taste much of it) The realization of age catching up, and adulthood so near, is what really frightens me as a person.

Reality, I hope, isn't as bad as I think it will be. Yet even 5-10 years into the future I can't see myself in any working position. Perhaps what ultimately scares anyone is work, is the sheer uncertainty of it. The time we're looking at is long. Financial security is vague, and happiness even more so. Every day we make a choice between money and happiness, each of those choices seem so mutually exclusive and yet somehow we still hope at the end of these many years we'd somehow get both.

If. Such a dangerous phrase. I'm resisting the temptation to use it, for I know I'll sink into the loop of wishing for things to change, but never doing anything.

Aih. Growing up sucks. Being an adult, sucks.

Made Of Gods And Men

2009-07-09T19:52:00.001+08:00

I'm thinking of getting another job. Another recommendations?

Argh

2009-07-01T22:10:00.002+08:00

Occasionally I descend into this fit of frustration. Not at anyone specifically, but the world at large. I think it's what happens when the usual outburst valve couldn't get rid of the irritation of having to deal with people (which are, by default, perceived as stupid, useless, and are where they are because some random stroke of luck). I would perhaps more accurately portray the outburst as my pointless attempt to somehow curse the world into changing it's ways.

Nay. But to no avail. Anger leads nowhere, but I do wish at times it does. Not just I wish it does, at times I wish I'd had to power to strike thunder from the heavens and purge the earth of the vile existence of some disgusting pile of junk. ARGH!!!! If I was the thundergod, I'd think M'sian government can probably contemplate developing lightning based powerplants, since I'd be zapping everyone.

I think most people of above-average intelligence die young. Simply because they try to impose sense on the world, to discover that there is none. I would say happiness and intelligence correlate as a

y = (x+z)^2 - 10

y = happiness
x = intelligence.
z = an unknown figure at the moment.

In a graph, it would show that people who are stupid. are generally happier. They have simpler goals, simpler targets, simpler concept of their world, which makes sense to them. "Smart" people, get stuck in imposing their ideals on the world and it backfires. On the other hand, "REALLY FUCKING SMART" people, actually can impose sense to teh world, and selectively view the world in a way the rest of us can't , and as a result are able to control the world.

Therefore,

Stupid = Happy
Average = Happy, but less happy.
Smart = Not happy.
Smarter than smart = Slightly happier than not happy
SUPERSMART = Happy (as a result of their ability to control the world)

Why?

Simple. Most smart people try to figure out their world, but because they are smart but not super smart, they can't figure it out. It's frustrating. And maddening. And drives people nuts.

Conclusion. Be stupid/super smart, but not inbetween. I fucking wish I was.

PIG FLU

2009-06-30T22:09:00.002+08:00

So.. pig flu.

Cases as at date (based on wikipedia)
361 deaths / 76k cases. Mortality = 0.4% (based on reported figures)
Mortality of any normal common seasonal flu = 0.05% . So it means 8 times more likely to die.

So actually, how lethal it is? 1/250 die. Hmm. Malaysian death rates on average is 5/1,000? Which is 1/200. (of the entire m'sian population) So actually, you're more likely to die of any other reason, than pig flu. This fear of pig flu is honestly overblown.

So, is it a pandemic? A global disaster that warrants quarantine? Er.. Japan did the smart thing. No. If you actually look at it, what's the point.

-

First, we question to accuracy of data. It's very easy for pig flu to be mistaken as any other type of flu. After all, symptoms are similar to various other types of flu. So likelihood that actual reported cases is MUCH MUCH higher, is very high. On a longshot I'd dare say given m'sian healthcare system, mortality is much lower, at 0.1%. Why? M'sians are so used to flu that I think we have higher natural immunity.

2nd. Most reported deaths have underlying health concerns which increase the impact of any new flu. Heck, if I had cancer and I just gone through chemo, even a fever would kill me anyway, so yeah.. deaths is actually overstated. (possibility of hidden deaths disclosed as common flu is also there, but then, flu kills anyway)

3rd. For a flu to be a plague, in my opinion, it needs to fit a few criteria.
a) Should have a longer incubation period during which it can infect more people without showing symptoms.
b) Death should be long and drawn out, to further increase likelihood of infection to others.
c) Mortality should of course, be high.

AH1N1, fails at a) and c). therefore, it's not really that bad.
We're more likely to get killed walking next to Brickfields at night than die of H1N1, so..

Business as usual.

Amputated exhaustion

2009-06-20T21:36:00.002+08:00

Week. Busy.
Me. Tired.
Work. Starting.
Time. Not enough.
People. Fun!
Place. Noisy.

Travel Home

2009-06-16T23:18:00.001+08:00

Back when I was in Seremban

-

I took the train at 8, was told it's 2 hours to home. Sat awaiting at the last station, the night wind caressing my tired face with it's cool, after-rain breeze. The sky's a shade of pale blue, relaxed and calling out to me, that the time to rest is near. Yet it is not the time for me to slip into it.

There were few others awaiting here, and yet perhaps it is just me, but it felt like we were all waiting for something that may never come. I shook my head a little, trying to wean out the quiet, reflective part of me, who often has flooded my mind with thoughts I shouldn't have. Ah, but here, at this place, it is to little avail. There's a sense of helplessness as we wait, our fate driven by something beyond our command or control. To that part of me who thrives on silence around me, it has me all to itself, my attention undivided.

I try, to shake it off a little, knowing the cyclical bursts of unnecessary emotions such things bring. Some, like the couple sitting next to me, they seemed ignorant, drowned in the presence of each others' company. Ah, the bliss of young love. And damn, I feel old.

To the far side, a young man, impatient, fidgety as he waits, taking occasional glances at the hanging rustic clock that must've been there for the longest time.

Hmm. What would they think of me when they look at me at the station. Ah. I don't know yet. How would I want them to look at me?

8.05pm. The train came, there's not many people. Most seats are empty, leaving my the rare liberty of picking where to sit in a normally crowded piece of machinery. Who'd knew.

All the seats are by the window, and instinctively I try to stare out, hoping to see something, but no. A train is a like a cocoon in itself, oblivious to things outside. I couldn't quite identify why, but it occurred to me that I might actually like living like this, shut out from change, forever living the husk of a life, where my choices are not my own, but decided by a higher power. Hmm.. For all that talk of ambition, it's not actually the core element of me.

Higher powers. Control. Some people want to control their lives, but like the train schedule, it's not something we have power over. Work is a tempering tool, it soften out the hard edges of a person, as he has to deal with others who may often be just as harsh. I think every person out there is like a rock. Our edges are softened by constant contact with others. Some break because they are too fragile. Some, don't change, but change others.

8.50pm. I was nearing the main part of KL. The city skyline is sublime behind mildly tinted windows, towering above the nearby passing houses, shanty shacks of the impoverished, as if two worlds co-existed.

9.05pm. KL Sentral. Strange but I felt more relaxed on the empty train. Switched trains to get on the train towards Klang. It's a bit more crowded on this train, most of it's passengers are of the darker skin, and expectedly, a slightly rowdier crowd.

10pm. Home. Travelling alone is actually, quite a thought inspiring activity. Maybe I should do it more often.

Life

2009-05-31T12:33:00.003+08:00

Woke up with a pain in my head, but damn I never felt better,
there's a sting on my arm, but pain never felt so... fulfilling.
My stomach's kinda swirling, but it's been a while I felt so good.

Fuck yeah. It's been a good day, though I'm probably a few hours late.
Many thx to ZK for planning the PAINball (which honestly we should do abit more often) and drinking session. Didn't get too tipsy though ;p (next time someone else drive.. i wanna get pissed drunk...)

-

It's been a while since I got the time, and pleasure to sit down, and actually think about what to write here. Hahaha. Blame me lah, I've missed so much of what's outside and going on, that this blog actually feels secondary to what awaits me outside. Kinda reminds me of that Hitz ad that goes on rambling about not beign a cyberwarrior, and go feel some sun ahhahahaha. And my, does the sun burn!

-

Sometimes singing is not because of an enjoyment of singing, but because sometimes we feel 'touched' by the song, as if the song understood the emotions in my head, and it is the only way I knew how to express how I felt. Certain words are so hard to say, and so we borrow the lyrics of the songs to sing it, not as a confession, but as a means to get it out of yourself. Singing, is like a release valve, or else we may cease functioning properly altogether.

Wow. Damn. That was emo. Hahahhaa.

Haiz~ At the end of the day we are judged only by ourselves.

I know

2009-05-01T19:38:00.003+08:00

I want no part of the day our lives are dictated by what we show the world.

When the world becomes 'I share, therefore I am'. We are nothing more than drones striving for external confirmation.

Precoded

2009-04-24T01:57:00.000+08:00

I guess after a while of reading my blog, some of you probably came to the conclusion that work's gotten me down. Hahaha, surprisingly, despite still partially working at 1.34am in the morning in a hotel, I'm actually feeling pretty damn good.

I actually began to realize why I started to dislike audit the past few weeks. It was a sense that I was given more than I could handle, or the exact opposite, where I have to squeeze my brain to actually figure out what to do and what to spend time on. A colleague of mine who recently resigned, or should be resigning / clearance today told me that she resigned because she hated the administrative aspects of audit, and I agree. Audit work itself is pretty nice, save the occasional vouching (which even then, I actually enjoy pretty well).

For close to a month now I've been living of a suitcase, going home for short weekends that come and go, which is actually the main reason why I'm pretty upset with that aspect of my life. I'm close to dead tired, and yet break is so short. Hahaha. -_-. I really don't know. Some days, audit is something that I feel I can enjoy and perhaps subconsciously, I enjoy it very much when I can get all the damn numbers to agree. Seriously. Agreeing numbers is like playing with puzzles, and as with puzzles, there's the blunt force way to go with it, or the memory way of matching pieces in ur head.

Living in Seremban, I actually think I'll miss it. There's a bit of fun of wandering around the entire place looking for a place to eat. And yeah, mamak food (which I have every day), is actually pretty good. More to prove that actually, I'm very very malaysian... Hahaha, now that I think of it, I doubt I can live with the bland nights of Australia.

Looks like I'll probably have to strike off Australia from my potential countries to live for 2-3 years in.. ><

Maybe Vietnam or Cambodia would be an interesting place to go to...
I don't know whether it's natural, but I somehow feel like living the indiana jones life, of going from small, backward countries to another backward country, hopping around places few visit, and even fewer enjoy. Hahaha, though admittedly at times the thought of living the good life, jetsetting from city to city does come to mind, but the wandering vagabond image doesn't seem too bad either... hahaha . What say you?

Working life, it puts alot of things in my life into perspective. Do I mind being a volunteer in africa? Or maybe, a taxi driver in India? Or perhaps a preacher? I didn't mind the thought of doing audit because I thought it would let me see the world. Indeed it has, but like a drug, now I actually want to see more of it. Different sides of the world. From lenses different than what it is now.

When I heard about the sotong season coming whilst we were having b'fast at a mamak today, I somehow wanted to try go on a boat with the nelayan-nelayan, and live that kind of life for a day. Given time, I'm starting to be more clear with what I want to do.

I don't mind suffering. And I even enjoy it if it felt like I made a difference that matters. I guess over the next 2-3 years, what I really need to learn, is the willpower, to actually make a decision which will let me do what I want.

I honestly hope now, and hope, like a self-fulfilling prophecy, that I will be what I want to be.

In the meantime, life's not too bad.

Short weekends

2009-04-19T20:17:00.002+08:00

My week fades away so quickly. Somehow I remembered that poem we learnt in secondary, about life's a brief candle.

I want a break.

heh

2009-03-23T20:57:00.001+08:00

Who knew audit can make me question my ethics, and my conscience, so much?

To do the easy thing, or to do the right thing? And time, is ticking...

Hahaha

2009-03-22T19:49:00.002+08:00

I'm easily influenced by what I am exposed to, be in movies, books or artwork. Not sure whether it's a weakness or not, though...

Pride

2009-03-21T09:09:00.001+08:00

Even the downtrodden and poor has their own pride. Witnessing first hand, the pride of the newspaperman, who refused our help when he fell from the motorbike, along with the huge pile of paper, I can't help feel a little strange...

I wonder what strings this it tug...

Raised Nifty

2009-03-20T17:34:00.002+08:00

It's early morning, that favourite time of mine when everyone else seem to be hectic. Rain is merely adds oil to the fire. Messy, distraught, lazy. It's etched on the faces of most car drivers that past by... I wonder when all of us started being like this, because I'm sure others see me the same way.

Seamless, the transition seemed. Before you know it, those small changes you've kept making suddenly amounted to something big. Was this the parable of the boiling frog, in action? Some mornings I wake up wishing I could just not go to where I am needed, but where I want to be. And yet, I still keep at it, and before I knew it, waking up at 6am became a part of me, ingrained within my biological clock, like the programming for me to work, has been completed.

Someone asked me whether I feel like the 'Shang Ban Zhu' (mandarin pinyin). Or in short, whether I really feel like a working person now. At times, I really do. At times, I feel like the dream of having an easy life is so far away, as if there's an invisible ceiling hanging over my head, doomed forever into this pit of worklife.

I still don't know. A part of me wants to cling hard to the belief that work will one day pay off, that what I do each day is a step in the long march to freedom. That one day, I will reach somewhere I want to be. A point when time, is mine, and only mine, given to others at my choice, and not because I have to give them my time.

I feel work is pretty much like prostitution, you sell your brain, body, energy for money. Maybe it really is. I hope one day that will change...

It sounds so sad, doesn't it? I try to keep an open mind about things, still dreaming of the day when I will get a life where work is something I choose to do, not something I have to do. But where will dreaming get me?

We all have dreams.. But now I realized what it meant to really pursue them, and realize, that perhaps many of us, despite how we say we have big dreams, are all nothing but talk, easily distracted by simple pleasures.

Mediocrity. We may not realize it, but we are doing it.
First step to change, as they say, is to do something.

I hope I get something done.

No.

2009-03-19T08:45:00.002+08:00

Today I read something that drew my ire. I feel that some people, should at the very least have principles. No doubt in our fantasies, everything can somehow automagically come back together in one piece, but then again, this is not our fantasy. The bitch dumped u for another guy, and lied to you while doing it. No matter how badly you think you've done, or how you think you won't get any better, please, there are some people that aren't worth the freaking trouble, especially one who just double-timed you.. Oh god.

Some people can be absolute idiots. ><

---

I'm actually blogging not from home, so you kinda know where I am lah, ;p

It's been a pretty good few days for me, jobs been pretty manageable, work has been pretty decent, and most importantly, I'm getting sleep :D

--

Perhaps I spoke a bit too soon...

LOL

2009-03-07T23:56:00.001+08:00

:D

I think a history of bad temper has left me a much more even tempered person today.

Unforgettable

2009-03-04T23:05:00.002+08:00

I'm starting to enjoy this, doing nothing but lift boxes and rummage through piles of paper. It's therapeutic. Oh god.

I'm actually quite sleepy already as I type this, but it's been a while. Yeah. Really has. Weekends are filled with activity too, so well, we'll see how it goes.

Time

2009-03-01T20:10:00.001+08:00

Funny thing about work. Time melts away without you noticing.

Beautiful

2009-02-17T23:29:00.002+08:00

It's 11.30pm, my speakers sing, and my soul descends into the state which it is at a calm, feels like I'm sitting by the beach, listening to the waves lap on the sands. I could feel the ebb and flow of the blood in my veins, the movement of air as it rubs the walls of my throat. It's a nice feeling, calm and relaxed.

I enjoy many aspects of driving, the intense focus and feedback of driving fast and dangerous, or the therapeutic effect of cruising down a lonely highway, flanked by rows of lights slowly fading into the far distance. It's a nice view, this country of ours. Rugged at some parts, and just plain beautiful at others. For all they say of our prime ministers, I still think we actually live in a very beautiful country.

Hahaha, pains a part of me to say this, but I've started to realize that I've aged. Not physically, but mentally.

Lucky

2009-02-13T00:03:00.002+08:00

Dear me,

I sometimes feels very privileged.
I went home around 11.30 yesterday, hungry.. and yet I still could find people to accompany me for such a late dinner/supper.

I came home today at 11, and find that there's still food at home for me which I can reheat.

Actually, when I come to think of it, I actually should be very thankful. Thankful that my parents still cook for me, and my friends who're still there. So honestly... if they're there, I think I can still take whatever work can throw at me.

Yeah.

Gambatte!

From me.

Thriving on other people's confusion

2009-02-10T18:07:00.002+08:00

I like it when other people are confused, with both side not knowing anything. Today is one such day. I went to my client, and was there to find out that my manager informed me of being released from the job at 6pm on a goddamned public holiday. Fine with me. (Like duh... thinking about the parking alone is enough reason for me not to go there, AT LEAST RM15 a day, what the fuck weih)

Anyway.. and so I went back lah. But then ar... the funny thing is.. the carpark is a lil' bit funny one.

B1 and B2 are separated by a card machine one u know. The card reader. So I put in, and just terus jalan la. Mana I tau itu machine ar, supposed to give me back my card one u know. So I buta buta masuk lah B2, lepas tu pusing pusing pusing, tak dapat keluar.. Sungguh frus... So after a few roudns turning at the same place. ( I know, why didn't I stop and just go ask right.. well... assumption is I just don't know where to go out)

But after a while, I went and ask the guards. I must give them this, though. The guards are fantastically good. They're responsible and quite helpful. Thanks :D.. Ah so I went la all the way to the security office, and manala I tau, rupa-rupanya, itu machine, supposed to give me back my card one. Aiyo~~~~~ (Big smack to the head). First time I met such a weird carpark, but also at the same time, one of the more amusing ones.

hahaha, so baliklah I ke office... then ronda-ronda sedikit, sampailah office punya parking... Eh. PENUH. Bah-bi! Matilah I, manalah yang I akan park kereta I ni.... So I pusing and pusing, round and round like a lost puppy... (technically I am. Despite workign there for so 'long', my long absence from the office meant I don't even know how to tag into the office carpark for late hour access)

Then finally I followed someone into the awfully obscure and mythical parking of 'Lot F'

Seriously. Lot F. How brilliant is that? I mean... It's not even in ORDER. Lot G is not next ot Lot F, Lot E is nowhere to be found, so... whoever named the Sentral development area has no logical idea of parking.

And so, pergilah I buat kerja di office aku tu yang banyak bergaya, tapi penuh dengan cacing dan ular. Dan senior I yang suka membebel pasal kerja dan suka suka meletup seperti bomb C4 di depan I.

I mean, like Oh~kay~.. what did I do?

Lepas tu, sampailah masa I untuk balik. Jalan-jalan, eh.. hujan. Bahse! Somemore have to deliver shit somemore u know~ Aiyaaaaaaaaaaa.. Teruknya~ Jadi I pun larilah, seperti dikejar anjing gila dengan bag laptop I yang berat tu~ (actually quite light already, because I've been carrying it for so long that I'm kinda sure my shoulder muscles built up some strength)

Tapi.. tapi... parking ticket not yet pay!.. Omg. lari again to the 'hut' that I tot got the payment machine... Eh..

'U lari buat apa... bayar kat exit laaaaa~' Kata Encik yang duduk dalam rumah tu..
Eh~ Bodoh! Jadi I pun lari baliklah kereta I dalam hujan yang kian lebat itu...

Then... Then.. I pun sampailah tiket counter tu, dan bagi dia I punya tiket..

"RM15, encik" Hatiku tergendala sebentar seperti Astro yang dikacau petir dan hujan. Difikirku, 'RM15? Bahse...' Tapi bayar pun kena bayar, jadi akupun senyumlah seperti kambing yang sinis, dan bertutur' Rm15? Okay~'

I thought... eh, wasn't I just happy that I avoided having to pay the crazy mad parking of RM20/day at that other client of mine? So goes to say, when karma is out to get ya, there's no running away. Aih~ Bayar pun bayarlah, manalah I tau hutang dengan tuhan yang mana, yang perlu I langsaikan.

Sedemikianlah berakhir hariku yang agak pelik...

---

Dang, Wyn Yan's got it good. IBM quite a lot more chicks than pwc lor.. Dunno what crap he talking. All he needed was look next door at the IBM peeps. (Maybe it's because semua yang kerja kat situ bukan darah accountant like PwC atau KPMG)

Short-lived druggies

2009-01-26T23:41:00.002+08:00

Holidays are so short.. For me.

I really don't know.

Are we stupid?

CNY

2009-01-24T11:34:00.001+08:00

Hahaha, a part of me finds CNY a happier occasion than it previously was, is actually the holidays that now come along with it. Ah~ JOY :D

Mean?

2009-01-21T22:00:00.002+08:00

I realized I haven't really wrote anything long in quite a while, and so I apologize to the very few people who still do drop by every now and then. (But actually, sorry lah~ It's hard to find the strength to type when all you do the whole day is typing stuff for work purposes, really goes to spoil your mood for any more typety-typety stuff) (p.s. no such word btw, I made it up because it sounded phonetically good)

Anyway, I'm actually half yawning here, pondering between whether to resign myself to my bed (and let the already rare free time of mine spent wandering in slumberland), or keep myself awake and play some games or do something more... productive. (not an appropriate word I know). I guess one of the things about starting to work so late day in day out, it works your mind alot. It trains it to be able to process longer, and think about more things about extended periods of time.

Let's sidetrack a bit (and avoid the topic of work, because it seems to be quite a sensitive topic lately), I'm actually thinking about my dreams and aspirations seriously lately.

I used to say I wanted to do things, you know... Things I find I enjoy, and in all honesty, I realize I actually enjoy thinking about things, and finding out how and why things happen. I enjoy that, and I realize solving a good riddle that has more than 1 plausible explanation or cause. Things that are not solved by 1 magical formula, but problems that have multiple methods and solutions. The dynamism and defensibility of one's solutions is entirely up to our justification, and hell, it's horribly fun.

I considered being a taxi driver (don't laugh), because I enjoy driving so much, but I know very well it's a career my parents will not accept, and on the further scrutiny of my mathematical mind, I realize there's not much money to be made (and living day to day will be akin to scrapping through life)

I asked whether I should be a lecturer, and I honestly considered it. I think maybe after 4-6 years I'll join a public uni and be financed by the government to conduct research, and at the same time write a few books. (And I'm still keeping this possibility wide open, I think it's a life that I would like to pursue)

Hahaha. Maybe I'll add more to this list of possible career switches in life.

--- - - - -

I saw a girl at 7-11 today, and dressed like the college student she is. I thought she looked pretty, and she gave a reactionary cursory glance when I walked in to grab my drink.

I gave the thought of approaching her a momentary consideration, yet I just took the drink to the counter, and paid. Maybe some other day, if I still recall how she looks like by then.

Heh, college students looks like they are dressed to club these days.

Elsewhere

2009-01-18T11:20:00.001+08:00

I've read an article on newsweek today, on our present generation of workers, who often feel like we'd rather be elsewhere, doing something else.

It's strange, yet familiar. I think it's true. It always felt like I'd rather be doing something else, yet when i'm doing that something else, I'd wish i was doing some other thing.

... Are we that lost?

fusilika nigatikelt

2009-01-12T20:53:00.001+08:00

Sounded slightly Lord Of The Ring-ish. -_- Funny.

If there is...

2009-01-10T14:17:00.001+08:00

I notice I like instrumental.. especially they are remixed and mashed-up with older songs. (especially if I know and identify with the songs). I guess I like how.. ambient it feels, and hauntingly familiar. The imagery it creates (because of my prior knowledge), is quite interesting.

XASRE

2009-01-07T23:01:00.001+08:00

Not really. Yeah. Not really. I've been thinking.

YES

2009-01-04T19:17:00.000+08:00

YES.

Yeah. open yourself to the possibility and the chance to do and make a change.

suffered

2008-12-30T04:00:00.002+08:00

I don't know where to start... My present condition is no condition to work at all. It's middle of the night and I'm awake. I try to sleep but it's painful. Everytime I do, my chest hurts, my eyes tear up because it feels so miserable. I hate being sick. I know I'm going to call in sick later, when it's 7am, then I'll tell them I can't go for work today..

But tomorrow, I only wonder how I'll get through if I don't get better. Every cough feels like my innards want to come out. My lungs seemed to shrink, my heart squeezed helpless in between. Ergh... I'm sitting here struggling to make sense of what I see because of my eyes all blurred from the coughing, yet I don't know what better to do.. It's a horrible sensation... though sensation is sucha nice word to describe it. It's like being choked and strangled, dying but not dead...

I hate being sick. Really....

Erm

2008-12-28T20:28:00.001+08:00

On foresight, we lack some. :D

anyway, Ip Man was a good show (for guys). I'm personally looking forward to Tony Jaa's Ong Bak 2. I think that'll be a kick ass show too. (literally)

Yeah, I like simple storylines with lots of action, what harm is that? It's like gals liking to see lengzai. :D (besides, I don't have enough brain cells to take 'smart' shows)

Exaltation 0001

2008-12-25T22:16:00.002+08:00

Not much out there is like lying on the cold ground, looking and feeling light, almost weightless.

-

Yesterday. Rain
Today. Heavy rain.
Tomorrow. Sunny :D

-

I wonder where I put those shells I collected... Hmm~

Canisters

2008-12-20T21:01:00.002+08:00

I'm finally on leave :D *jumps around happily*

---

I've stopped writing, or more appropriately, typing some time ago. I didn't realize it as it happened, as so they say, the parable of the boiling frog. Sometimes, we only realize we changed when we think back of the things we used to do. Maybe it's just me, I've gotten quieter as time passed. I realize I've said less, spoken less. Maybe I've seen less things, so I didn't have anything to say.

Sad.

---

I believe in idiots

2008-12-18T21:09:00.001+08:00

I suspect my car knows when i'm acting like an idiot. It overheats whenever I do.

- = 0 = -

Kadang

2008-12-15T23:08:00.001+08:00

Kadang-kadang, terasanya macam hati terusik, tapi sebenarnya hanyalah hati dan minda yang tengah memperdaya, mencipta cerita daripada tiada.

LOL

Coming to terms

2008-12-14T20:13:00.003+08:00

I have a lot to come to terms with in my life. Even now, 3 months into audit, I haven't really accepted that this will be how my life be for the next 3 years. It's difficult at times to see what I get out of doing this, being in this role for so long.

What do I learn, other than how to deal with shit that comes from all sides. Perhaps that is essentially the only valuable skill that audit provides, which I suppose precludes all the rest. All that notion of learning how to run businesses and shit? Pointless. Simply pointless. Most of us fail to see any value in the way things are run. Why? We don't honestly give a damn. I honestly wouldn't mind confining the rest of my life to a stable structure of just sitting around chopping PVs.

Call me unambitious, but reality sinks it once we start work. I'm not that driven or passionate as some people who can endure long hours. Blame my youth, but I'm still stuck at the time when I'm a lingering mongrel wandering the streets looking for food to eat, and half the time trying to push back the boredom that lingers in the every crevice of my existence.

I have yet willing to resign myself to a life of corporate slavery, for I feel like I'm dying a spiritual and emotional death whilst working in this miserable hellhole.

I asked a colleague of mine, why she joined audit. Being the typical teenager conned into accounts, she replied, 'stepping stone.' But to what, I ask? What does being in audit lead you to? Is where it leads the place we want to be?

I'm still thinking. Hopefully one day I'll know where I want to go.

Christmas Joy

2008-12-09T21:34:00.003+08:00

It's christmas soon. Not sure whether I should indeed fall for the jollyness that now infests every shopping complex I step my 2 big feet in.

I honestly, sincerely thought about myself here in audit. Now, this is only my opinion, so for those of you who are still thinking about it, maybe it can help, but otherwise if you've set your mind to suffer irregardless, then you may take this article with a popcorn in your hand, sit back on a nice couch, and enjoy yourself. :D

It's about 3 months already. Work, as always, starts to pile up. It comes with the longer you stay in the company. I think that's bad, because the strange thing about our industry is, somehow, everything you do gets carried forward. It's historical, and yet it keeps snowballing on and on. It's sad. There's never a chance when you can just totally clear off everything you did and start on a clean sheet all over again.

I think I won't last. Maybe 3 years is a very lofty aim. 3 years is a long time, and things may change, with it, perhaps my personality will in time change to fit the job I am doing. But somehow I pray that I don't. It frightens me to become like them, so driven and consumed by their careers that they lose track of the things that to me, I can't bear to lose. I honestly don't know whether it's good, but like they all say, audit has poor work-life balance, and it's very well known that people who left audit say that suddenly they had so much free time.

I thought I could deal with the balancing act, but even now, it starts to prove a little bit harder than I thought. I dare say the fault lies in me, that I am not mentally well prepared to take the huge shift in lifestyles required by work. I'm still too used to nearly 19 years of taking life like a sea breeze, all light and easy.

-

Travel makes you see things. You realize that the things we used to think were so important, may actually be less important than they really are.

Things are viewed in perspective, when we see how people other than those we normally mix with, treat things.

Perhaps that is why. I've not seen enough yet, so it isn't my time. When I feel that things start to be less amusing, it's time I stop

-

When it wavers, go back and think. See. Read. Reflect.

Of absent presence

2008-12-08T20:32:00.000+08:00

Dreams. I've lost a few this year.

Wither thy soul

2008-11-30T00:20:00.003+08:00

It's when people start going separate ways, you realize how much as a person, we value their existence in our lives. Once they're out that door, chances are they won't be coming back. We try to keep in touch, to catch up every now and then... Yet our separate and different commitments have put our schedules out of sync, our lives disconnected. We're unaware of most of our compatriot's lives, for work keeps us preoccupied.

They say true friendship will stand the test of time. Yet time changes us, and frankly, how many of us are true friends? Our friendships, many are born from a common ground which we share. Same college, same exams, these bonds are forged through similar experiences, and our ability to relate to each other's predicaments.

Yet when things change... When we move on to separate chapters of our lives, each of us very likely to be at different places, the nature of friendships between people, change. Things that happen to each other seems foreign, and different, within us feeling that somehow, we couldn't relate to them anymore. It's a grim predicament, to know that who's here today, might not be here anymore tomorrow.

I think this is one of the few times when I shouldn't think too much.

Great Times

2008-11-28T21:21:00.002+08:00

Gratitude. Perhaps we as a society need to learn some of that. Every. Single. One. Of. Us.

Joy

2008-11-20T20:31:00.002+08:00

I'm so excited :D Hahahhaa. yay! :D Whee~

- - - - -

Joy is about keeping an open mind. Peace is knowing it's there.

:D

Bombay Disaster

2008-11-19T20:34:00.002+08:00

Night closes in, and the sun sets. But it's hazy, foggy, and diffused,
It's probably orange but the glass between us casts a shade of green,
Somehow ironic, the only glass panel with it's curtains' up, a view outside unhindered,
I see cranes rising into the sky, construction still ongoing.

Against the backdrop, and mixed with our own weariness, it's strange, and yet familiar.
It feels similar, as if the cities could convey and understand those things.
Cities speak to us, as we speak to it.
Alive, a part of us just as how we are part of it, it grows and spreads like a lifeform.
Maybe we really are like the cities that we come from, influenced by it's cultures, it's ideas.

--

I feel funny. I wonder whether it's me. Maybe it's been too long. Maybe I'm getting old. Maybe it's not meant for me.

--

I have aspirations

2008-11-15T18:30:00.003+08:00

There are times when it takes hold, and manifests itself in my thoughts, my speech, my dreams and my actions. It's greedy, power hungry, spiteful.

I worry sometimes when I get these moments when I feel like a messiah of a new world order. I worry what has gotten into me, worry, that I'm slowly on that slippery slope down into madness, obsession, insanity. It, or maybe I, have aspirations for humanity. To see that it will be what it was meant to be.

To me I am one who abhor our current, segregated way of ruling. I am one, sick of people who's faith in whatever ideology they call god, drive them to do illogical things.

We will not be destroyed by natural disaster. We will not be destroyed by meteorites or stray comets. We will be destroyed by our disunity of action.

I see a future where one person takes a step towards immortality in a machine. Bionic, immortal, and immune to physical exhaustion, where over the thousand years to come the world will be slowly bent and shaped to it's will.

There is no god. But we will make one. A cybernetic overlord of mankind, a supreme overseer with the enhanced mind of man, a council not of separate people, but of many brains neurally linked into an integrated network with far greater clarity of thought than ever managed by man alone or just merely sitting together in a table discussing and pulling verbal punches that rarely get anywhere.

I decry the leadership we have now, for we deserve a leader with mathematical and ruthless logic. Those who we appoint now are creatures that are charming, convincing, but not necessarily has the world's best interests in mind. Mankind needs this overlord to take difficult decisions for the betterment of society, to radically overhaul the way we live, and they way we are. Our present, emotion-driven thought process, with a fear of pain and suffering, needs to be revamped, and replaced by a more analytical and logical thought system.

Leaders nowadays, to get to be who they are, must instill hope or inspire in a way, that we deserve better. No. Humanity deserves better than letting our present generation do as it please. By no means this is an outcry for conservation of nature. I say here that what we need is a strong dictator, in place of the irrelevant argument amongst politicians that frequently take place. We do not need leaders for every 10 million people. What we need is implants, where one being can watch what everyone does, and control them.

Some may akin it to humans being enslaved should we be dictated in what we do. But I say we do not deserve to have a choice. No doubt there has been many great choices in the past, but the general society as it is, statistically has not made good choices. Or, is more likely to be stupid, than clever.

In this mad vision, genetic selection will be everywhere, a means to implement visions of mankind's interstellar expansion. Men who are genetically enhanced for deep space exploration. A subclass designed for warfare. A class designed to live in the depth of seas and the freezing wastelands light years away from the nearest star.

We have often lived under the illusion of free will and choice. But free will, can very well be broken down into a table of statistically more likely and less likely choices, and when we very well know the choices we would more likely make, there is.. no free will. So the mere presence of an overwatch of mankind, though it may rob nation-states and governments of their function, will ultimately serve society better.

But first, immortality. Though it may seem to stem from a fear of death, but nay, instead a desire to be liberated from it's grasps. With us ultimately immortal, many of the petty needs we fight over will lose it's relevance. Immortality grants the time to view society in a way that many of us cannot. What to us appears unchangeable, is to them fleeting and soft. Mankind can be coaxed in a direction. The resources for any upheaval can be gathered over thousand of years, instead of the short periods of our lives.

Perhaps soon. Perhaps sooner.

==

I think it's one of those evil voices suddenly getting very talkative.

Wouldn't matter the world

2008-11-11T20:54:00.002+08:00

People ask me whether I'm having any targets once I started working. Strange, but the moment they become your colleague, there's automatically a barrier that stops you. Because one way or another, you know you're stuck with these people as your colleagues. That, doesn't quite make them attractive hahahahaha.

Rarity, scarcity matters in attraction :D

-

I'm glad to hear alot of ppl are accepted into EY already. Looks like I'll soon have people to bitch about working life to :D

Though with all honestly, PLEASE TAKE A BREAK. It's not too late to start in March, or February. 1 month, at least 1 month to just enjoy and lose your old studying rhythm. Give yourself holidays, so that you'll look forward to work. Holidays are a great way to 'transit' from one stage (studying) to work.

A sudden shift can be.. very disconcerting, and work will somehow feel very un-fulfilling. I know some people yearn for the 'freedom' of adulthood, but with all due respect, it can wait.

After all, with so long spent in ACCA, don't you think you deserve a break?

I'm your angel

2008-11-09T00:56:00.002+08:00

I want to sleep, actually, but with my power nap in the late evenings, I now find myself in the peculiar problem of being still wide awake at this forsaken hour when everyone's probably tucked into bed, sound asleep and snoring their night away.

I'm actually rather deeply frustrated lately.
Sometimes it's so hard when everyone doubts you.
Everyone, and i fucking mean everyone, has an opinion.
Sometimes, it's not whether it's the right choice. It's actually the liberation of choice in our hands.

Some things are best done without anyone knowing, or anyone giving a damn. I know I'm surprisingly secretive in certain matters, often keeping them close inside, wanting to tell someone but knowing there's no one I trust enough on these matters.

Hawthorne effect. Sounds familiar? Indeed, it is from P3, and even goes back to T5. What it essential captures in human interactions and productivity is the sense of empowerment, that OUR choices, can actually TANGIBLY affect the things that happen around us, and works as a feedback loop, that constantly gets reinforced every time our choices changes our immediate environment.

It's very demotivating when what we do, doesn't seem to have any meaning whatsoever. So to all of you, shut up, and let me do this on my own.

Schtuuuuuuuupid

2008-11-07T19:29:00.001+08:00

I think i've gotten dumber and slower since i started work. ><

Of Barack Obama

2008-11-05T19:49:00.002+08:00

Of Barack Obama and a cup of hot chocolate.

-

I was honestly slacking when I heard the news, loitering around the corridors, bugging my fellow colleagues who are either equally free, or the exact opposite. Strange, despite it's being such a distant issue, I felt elated. Joy, that circumstances have put a man not of their same skin, as leader. Pride, that a nation so large, so patriotic can still be reasoned with. Envy, that our nation, may not reach that stage.

I walked over to the automatic vending machine (which is free), got myself a cup of hot chocolate and sat, skimming through websites on general responses to Obama's future. And the timing, spectacular.

In a world that lacked a sense of direction, on humanity's next step, Obama's victory seemed to shine in a brilliance I dare say I've not seen. It was America's step back into moral leadership, that if they as a nation could see past color and listen to reason, there was no reason why others couldn't. Leading by example 101.

The enthusiasm will whither, and realities of rebuilding a battered nation will sink it. But I swear 100 years down the road, Obama will not be remembered for what happened to the country, but will be remembered that a nation can by it's own choice, elect on reason, not color.

Feeling inspired, the rest of the day seemed to past quicker. Hahahaha.

--

I know this is late political commentary on our very own March 8 supposed revolution, but for all the claims that our country is ready for a 2 party system, I say nay. The present system though is alright. I do believe though, that slowly, we'll learn to accept dissent, that we too can take criticism. To myself I sometimes say in face of critique, that we too, may be bottled in our own world, for all our own claims of being open. Some walls that we have, we can't see but others can.

A nation need leaders who inspire hope, not rulers who dictate and divide.
We still have a long way to go, as a society.
A lot to learn about reasoning and logic.
Perhaps in a 100 years we'd reach that sense of maturity.
I do hope though, that it will happen in my lifetime for me to witness it.

Strange sense of change

2008-11-04T20:38:00.002+08:00

Often when things change, you realize in unconsciously, as and when it happened. Today when they came, I strangely felt a sense of deja vu, because just 6 months ago, I was there in their shoes, walking blindly around ahhahaha.

- - - -

The view is quite nice really, watching rain fall onto the skyscrapers, and the road below. Or that streak of lightning, from the clouds to the trees in the distance.

It's great to feel so relaxed after so long. Maybe I'm just generally lucky, having all the less stressful jobs. Hahhaa.

Anyway, a piece of advice I wanted to say, but find it hard to say.

-

It doesn't matter where you go for work. If you are shaped by where you work, it shows your character isn't strong enough. Work, and ourselves, share a multi-lane highway where change, goes both sides. Work, is changed by us, influenced by what we feel about it, what we think and what we do. No doubt some things can't be changed, but knowing the right thing to do, and knowing to keep the right frame of mind, is more important than where you work.

The 'pride' will only last for a short moment. Afterwards, it should be replaced with humility, that if we choose to compare with others, we aren't too bad.

Some say work is boring and stuff, but often I think if we are easily amused, and easily entertained, even boring and tedious activities can actually seem reasonably fun to do.

Sure, it seems like lying to yourself, but it's like falling in love. You are aware that it can be boring, and definitely a pain in the ass once in a while, but still, it shouldn't stop you from still enjoying life.

Happiness as they say, is in your mind. So happiness, in your work, depends almost always on you. You may be frustrated with others (be them teammates, colleagues, clients, frens), but nothing should take joy away from us.

-

I constantly talk to my dad when we drive home. Sometimes it touches on money, and with money, it concerns me deeply.

.

Once I started working, I realize that actually, money, is actually relatively hard to earn. No doubt, I've started seeing people, freshly liberated from the boundaries of our minuscule allowances, begin to spend as if there would be no better time to do so.

I honestly try to grasp their thinking, but time and again I fail. Perhaps the urgency of their needs have the better of them. Perhaps I've lived life knowing that as a person, we don't need that many things.

Time at 2.30pm

2008-11-02T14:31:00.002+08:00

I'm bored, so decided to work my brain a little.

--

How a petrol price reductions can reduce the general impact of recession.

Assuming that 7 million people in our country spends an average of RM400 on petrol, and that a 15cent reduction from RM2.30 to RM2.15 per liter = a monthly savings of RM27 per person.

RM27 * 7 million = approximately RM200 million. So technically, every time petrol goes down by 15 cents, the general economy of our country receives a boost of RM200 million per month. Does this logic make any sense?

1st off. The argument against this assumption. (my current one, feel free to add, if there's some lurking economists amongst us). Changing what a citizen spends on doesn't effectively increase his buying power. He is still earing the same as before, so the general economy isn't receiving any extra money. Therefore, if there is no change in earnings, or he is not spending more than he normally is, technically there should be no effect.

Counter-point 1. The general economy works on tiers. Which tier the money goes into affects how that same sum of money effects it's effect on the economy. By paying more for petrol, this money effectively is transferred out of local hands. How? Most petrol companies are foreign owned and remittance back to their home country is only normal. Instead, by putting the same RM200 million into the hands of the local businesses, the effect is that the bread and butter economy of food, basic trading and so on receives a boost, instead of paying that same sum to RM200million to overseas shareholders, who are unlikely to spend money in our country

One can argue that the same RM200million are paying for the petrol company's employees, which are of course, local. Sure, that seems plausible until you realize that one way or another, the petrol companies don't need that money to pay their employees. They can pay them lavishly as it is. Also, it can be argued that given the current economic climate, individuals would be encouraged to save instead of spend on stuff, which would mitigate the effect brought by the RM200million.

True, but if they save, the most possible outcome is that such money goes into banks.
Most banks in our country are merely local empires, not global corporations, which means, either way, the effect of that said RM200 million is more concentrated in our domestic market.

And even then, it is unlikely that the reduction in petrol costs will result in that same amount beign banked. This is because most of the citizens do not actively control their expense, and many are working on a tight budget. The savings effectively would not even hit the bank, because it is likely they have far too many obligations before they can even think about savings.

So effectively, petrol prices and world economy issues? Not really that big a deal. If there's sufficient domestic demand for products and services, it should reduce or delay the impact of any real global slowdown. Hopefully long enough for to world to rebound again.

---

Imperius Gladitus

2008-11-02T00:11:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna faint. Soooooooooooooooooooo tired ;P

Not exhausted, but dying

2008-10-28T06:39:00.002+08:00

Times like this when I feel breathless, I wish it'd just stop and bring the misery to an end. Times like this I realize that for all we complain, bitch and whine about studies, work isn't exactly the greatest thing in the world.

I can't tell, perhaps I've grown up with my priorities a little different. I can't tell, maybe because I don't crave for attachment, nor do I enjoy having someone bugging every now and then, though admittedly I enjoy it. So perhaps, money, for all everyone say how great it is, is nothing more than just that, necessary, but not of supreme importance. As much as it enables us to do more, sometimes, like the old adage goes, time is something money can't buy. What more time, when it's ticking away so fast, you wonder why you even bother.

Times like this, I'd rather I have flexibility. When I don't feel too well, I want to just stay at home and sleep. Life stinks when you have to drag yourself up every morning to work, even when you very well know you're not in the condition to. Some say, who gives a fuck, just take ML la. But maybe it's also just me, that I don't have that same sense of entitlement. I honestly don't feel more deserving of anything than the patrolmen on the highways, or the toll collectors.

So perhaps the reason why people left audit is quite clear to me. It's not really something everyone can take. It takes the ability to push yourself away from your friends, who, as time goes by, the distance grows. It needs a cruel heart to tell your family that you can't take leave when obviously they want you to go somewhere with them. And maybe to those who are attached, it takes the lack of any remorse or guilt to cancel any plans your partner went length and bounds to prepare.

Even the sense of 'family' and 'belonging' in the entity itself is frail, maintained by the few steadfast ones who have the stamina (perhaps due to them on study leave), to organize an outing so everyone could meet again.

It's really a very lonely career. You're with people all the time. But not the ones you want to be with. Yeah, money's decently good, since I don't have much time to spend it. But over money, I'd rather have time. Time for people around me, and most importantly, time for myself.

For

2008-10-26T00:59:00.000+08:00

For all our education, we sure don't know how to apply NPV analysis to the return derived from being a retard.

Criminal Revenge

2008-10-23T21:59:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I last posted anything, I wonder whether my blog misses me.

Anyway, life's been reasonably consistent lately,

I wake up before the sun rises, and go home after the sun sets.
I see the sun everyday, but never feel it's rays except lunch.
I talk to people everyday, but feel like I've said much less.
I sleep a lot, but feels like I've never slept in a long time.
I type a lot on the laptop, but I don't feel like I did anything.

-
That pretty much sums up work.
-

=-=-=

The sky's still light blue when I reached the restaurant. It's early in the morning, my body's awake, but my mind's not and yet I force myself on despite the clear signs of exhaustion. I could barely feel my fingers, numbed by the early morning cold. It's a refreshing way to wake up every morning, all cold and shivering, but sure isn't a very nice way to start the day.

It's still very empty at the restaurant, with the aunties and uncles of the heavier dishes just starting to disassemble their stalls. A quick glance would tell you there's mostly 2 classes of people here, one being the working class (myself included), and the parents taking their kids for breakfast before class.

There's this lady with her still young schooling son, who just walked in. She's very well-dressed for her age, contemporary even, but sad to say her figure still requires some work. Her son wasn't too happy on how his mom is dressed, but like many of their age, it's probably innate in them to dislike anything that's associated with their parents. It's that period where they slowly move away from their parents, so some sense of individuality can blossom.

Right next to the shopowner, was a table with the typical middle aged man drinking coffee whilst reading chinese newspapers. I've noticed many of them lately, people who, despite their aggressiveness, are still creatures of habit. A part of me wonders whether I'll end up like that, taking my place amongst the tables of the chinese kopitiam every morning, drinking and eating the same thing, whilst reading a paper day in and day out.

Too bad I couldn't stay long. Maybe I'll pay a visit to another kopitiam one day.

---
--

Interesting times these are, rife with opportunities, and filled with countless dangers. For every good opportunity out there, I'd like to think there's at least a hundred traps. So, do I really know what I am putting my money into?

A little bit of nowhere

2008-10-19T23:04:00.001+08:00

Jargons. Bleh.

-

I'm hooked to spore. Shit.

Bombarded

2008-10-13T22:47:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder what I'm missing out on.

Then again sometimes I don't care the next minute. But seriously, fuck why doesn't Zero Hour work.. I wanna multi-particle cannon something. >< (I honestly think a few particle cannons at once is right about one of the cooler things ever)

Did you know that the precursor of the ion cannon in GDI would be a lightning storm? (weather storm?)

Why?

Technically, a lower powered laser, (aka a non-full power ion cannon) can actually trigger lightning activity. (aka laser-guided lightning) So actually, a space based ion cannon can be upgraded from a lightning creating laser beam, since it does seem that both are related.

Oddly, this idea seems to support the allies -> GDI evolution in the RA universe. (speaking of which, RA3 is awaiting release.. wonder how it'll be)

Owh, NFS Undercover is coming out soon too, wonder how it'll be. I hope it's more MW-ish instead of the shit they gave me with ProStreet and the strangely detached Carbon.

Anyway, recently got my hands on company of heroes, (though it's now marketed as a classic game, but all the better, it means I can play online XD) and of course UT2k4, which I've been spending a fair bit of time playing, (because I get sleepy after every 30 minutes of that thing, it's very very fun hahahaha)

-

Noticed that I'm somewhat less aware when I'm driving lately. Not sure whether it's because I'm tired, or just because I'm getting old. Hell, I even forget to take my parking tickets a few times in a row. I guess it's just me not used to having passengers in the car.

I'm too used to driving alone that driving with passengers is actually quite awkward. Hahaha~ Talk about one of the stranger things to be awkward about. Maybe it's the gap, and the nature of the connections between us, it's neither really friends, nor purely professional.

-

Lately I've been second-guessing myself. At least, more frequently than I used to, perhaps it's just me, having more second thoughts about life as a whole. Or it's my job, that sudden change in priorities, switching from everything else to wholly work.

At times I want to call it a passion, but I notice I don't like it enough to indulge in it enough to actually find it enjoyable. I hope in time, as audits get 'easier' to do (with knowledge), this will change.

I've known for quite some time that I'm not exactly very single minded. I dare say I act as if I'm a loose collective of easily discarded ideals, constantly everywhere but never really going anywhere. Bouncing opinions around like ping pong has always been my better side, and not following through an idea from start to finish, unless it can be done quickly.

Ah, never mind.

- - -

I feel like writing much more. But then I need to sleep

Nightclasser

2008-10-09T21:14:00.002+08:00

I'm on my way back, and it's raining. My windscreen's slightly fogged up, but I could still see, the light from cars outside, though a slight blur, dispersed by the drops of water on screen. It's very cold inside, even with the air cond off, that I sometimes could see my breath dissipate like steam.

Maybe because it's slightly past dusk, with nightfall only a few steps behind. Maybe it's the heavy rain a while back, by now a soft drizzle, bathing my car with a light torrent of raindrops. Or maybe it's just me, feeling a little under the weather.

Traffic was a little heavy, and I wasn't going very fast. Bored, I took a look into the sky.

There's a plane, I could tell it's a 737, flying rather low altitudes. There's a time in my life, a long time ago that I longed for the feeling of being on planes. I used to look forward to waking up at odd hours to follow my parents to the airport. Back then, I was fascinated by the hotel-ish decor of the old subang airport's departure halls, and the famous amos counter right next to the place I waited.

I wonder what changed. Age?

The backdrop, a sky that's still light blue on the west, with golden linings on the clouds as the sun hides it's rays behind them, then the slowly darkening shades of blue that melds into the night, signifying it's coming.

I wonder where, perhaps somewhere in my past, that one decision I made back then, may have changed my life today. Butterfly effect, so they say.

Just maybe...

All we need is a good laugh

2008-10-08T21:45:00.003+08:00

Accountant jokes anyone? I found this on FB

Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file, and that's what he did last year.

Why did the auditor cross back?
So he could charge travel expenses to the client!!!

What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting
sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying
to find it"

A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live."

The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"

The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant."

"Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient.

"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."

OMG THIS IS FULL OF WIN

I work with people everyday, but everyone thinks I have no social skills.

‘Those of you who have read the standard on financial instruments (IAS39) and understood it have not read it properly."
- Sir David Tweedie again, as Chairman of the IASB, delivering a speech at the London Business School, 2005

=====

Okay i had a good laugh lol

Hot water anyone

2008-10-07T08:25:00.001+08:00

All over hot water. Water. Where do I get water in a place supposedly filled with foods and beverages? Water, water everywhere and not a single drop I can drink.

He Ni

2008-10-03T22:45:00.002+08:00

They're late. It's a day past raya and tomorrow's a weekend, thus not many people are around. I've found myself endeared to this place, wandering around just to see the swimming pool and the guests swimming in it.

Or maybe I just like how the fountain out at the driveway is somehow very calming. Or how soothing the lapping waters softly crashing and breaking into the side of the pool can be. But regardless. I like it when it's slightly noisier, somehow having people around you talking helps make the air feel a little bit livelier.

--

Noise

2008-10-02T18:12:00.002+08:00

There's no one around.

Without

2008-09-30T08:29:00.001+08:00

Work isn't all that bad.

I don't believe

2008-09-28T20:19:00.002+08:00

It's rather quiet in here, with only the soft hum of my laptop's fan in the background. I take a short glance out my office window, onto the canyon beyond. A modern, human canyon made of towering glass offices, filled with men spending their days away.

Suddenly the door swings open. Thud! The door slams toward the wall, stopped only by the doorstop. Stood there was a mad person, who's eyes burned with the fire of an angry god. The silence was broken, the once clear air jolted tense, and his fury seemed to flood every nook and corner.

I swallowed my saliva, wondering what hell awaits me. I ponder whether it'd be a better choice to jump out the glass panels and fall 10 floors below, rather than to face the burning madness of one very powerful creature. Inside the part of me, which is endlessly in denial, started whispering those words that I've heard so many times.

'it's not you, it's not you.. it's not you...'

He looked around the room, at everyone there, not looking at us, but through us, with the infamous infinity stare. Who tickled the sleeping dragon, said the person next to me. Doesn't matter. When elephants go to war, ants get stomped to death. We're but ants in this place, and it's best to stay out of their way.

------

hahaha that was entirely fictional btw.

Call

2008-09-25T20:27:00.002+08:00

I called on your phone, and waited when it started beeping.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

I wonder why you wouldn't pick up, and a little part of me got a little worried. Are you working a little too hard? Or so busy that you couldn't even see your phone?

I wonder.

Beep.

Beep.

I dropped the call, knowing waiting any longer is no different, but it won't stop that drop of worry inside to start spreading.

I hope you're alright. Work is work, but overdoing it isn't right either.

As a consequence

2008-09-25T08:22:00.001+08:00

So much to do, so much to learn, so little time, so little brain cells left.

Farney

2008-09-23T22:47:00.000+08:00

Note to self : Write about train ride, old lady, 2 young punks, and me.

Three bloody smiles

2008-09-20T00:24:00.002+08:00

Sitting at the desk, I noticed, or more like, came to the sudden realization, that my life is full of waiting. Waiting for my paycheck, waiting for that next document, waiting for that one call, waiting for some people. I've waited for very long, and spent most of my life waiting. Waiting for things, that I should've pursued aggressively, waited for stuff that, as a result of my waiting, has passed me by.

But waiting considers a very crucial part of me, a part that enjoys waiting. The passive side of my personality, which finds waiting to be like a grace period for reflection, as if it was a reprieve from the regular chaos that life in our world often entails.

Yet it aggravates the active aspect, which often whispers to me at night, telling me I should've just gone ahead and gave it a shot, give a try, see how it goes from there. That part of me just wants everyone to shut up, let me have first hand experience, and get my hands all bloody and dirty.

Needless to say, such contradiction has often proved to be a big torment. As each action symbolizes which side of me I'm supporting, even a simple phone call can be symbolically a large, major decision and has often left me spending nights on end contemplating the step, and even worse, having second thoughts about whether I should even contemplate about the issue.

Thinking whether you should or should not think. Honestly I didn't know it could get so troublesome, but once it gets into that loop, it was no easy way out.

Sometimes I wish I had a mental coin I can flip.

At the railway

2008-09-15T20:10:00.002+08:00

-

It's early in the morning, when the air is yet to be tainted by the fumes of machines, or blasted dry by the hot sun. The sun's merely peeking out of the horizons, with a few stray rays of light finding it's way through the silhouettes of faraway buildings.

As with all mornings it's that time of the day again. The rush when everyone else seemed so out to get somewhere, to do something, to be with someone.

I sat there, my fingers stirring the tea with a plastic spoon, whilst my eyes are fixated on the passing crowds, emerging out of the escalators from the KTM trains below. Those passed by are many, varied and perhaps characterized by their clothes, those who are working professionals, students, or a few others.

Most of them are faceless to me, thanks to the laminated glass that divides us. Perhaps it's better that way, it's less personal. Watching people leave, always leave a strange emptiness inside.

Intermittently I take a sip of that tea I've been stirring, my eyes wandering momentarily to glance at the fan, and the rest of the staff working, cleaning the tables and mopping the floor. I felt frozen in time, strangely. Almost as if I could see myself doing this daily, watching the girls that occasionally appear, reading their novels whilst they wait for something, or the regular gwai lous that take refuge and solace in something that reminds them of home.

Here I was, slowly taking breakfast whilst waiting. It was something I didn't have to do, but I just liked seeing her every morning. So I waited.

And I waited.
She's late. Felt like asking her why over the phone, but then decided that I should just trust that she'll be alright. I was in no rush anyway.

I took a short glance at the clock hanging over the side of the counter wall, and sighed. Perhaps I should leave, I told myself.

Yet I stayed. But only for a little longer.
7.40am. It's getting late, I stood and started walking away. And I left with a gaping hole inside lasting throughout the day.

-

Surprisingly

2008-09-14T22:45:00.002+08:00

I doubt our country is as bad as people say it is. Phillipines, Indonesia, Vietnam and Thailand all gets mentioned in inflation and all that. Malaysia, for some reason, doesn't.

I guess we aren't that screwed.

Stop and stare

2008-09-13T23:46:00.002+08:00

Stop and stare. Sometimes, we'd stop suddenly and it hit us like a brick that the person we thought we knew, is now different, or for some reason, we started to see them in a different light.

I used to see some people that way. Until an event, or something, allowed me to gain a different perspective of them. It wasn't that what I previously thought was wrong, but more of them changing. Becoming a person that no longer should be viewed that way. A much better person.

I guess when you realized that a person is no longer that bastard you thought he was, you gain a different kind of respect for them. A much deeper kind of respect.

Many of us degrade and grow complacent. Many of us stop learning and build barriers. In times like this, I admire people who, by choice or circumstances, become better. Perhaps because they remind me that I too, should do the same and keep taking steps forward.

-

There's a chinese saying that goes to mean, before heaven casts great duties and powers on a person, that person must first go through bitterness, pain, toil and suffering.

Perhaps I guess that's why some people never seem to have luck in life. It's a great test to see whether they are that seed that blossoms in spite of all the bad influences in life. A trial by fire, to see whether their minds are right, their principles sound, before as a result of the trials, emerge a person who people will look up to.

Maybe it's such trials that give them that depth of experience.

-

Everyone is tested. But not everyone scores.

Am I emo?

2008-09-13T12:52:00.001+08:00

Am I like.. emo? Because that sounded horribly depressing?

WOW!
I can depress people! OMG
hahahahahhaa

*depression-spreading* get!!!!!!!!!!!!!

><
hahaha

SWT?

Well that's a comment on one of the stories i wrote like over 9000 years ago.

By A Longshot

2008-09-09T19:42:00.002+08:00

Living on a budget. Hmm... I guess I should start to maintain cost accounts and do regular variance analysis every month, inclusive of detailed expense records.

I guess I can decide to be petty about what money I spend, AND still try to keep an eye for the long term. I wonder how is that even possible, wahahaha.

Anyway, so I really guess I should start to make note of some things on various fields. Who knows, if I don't start now, I'm probably won't ever start any time in the future. As I recall I told myself this a few times in my life. When I was 15, when I was 17, when I was 18, I told myself again and again I should really pay attention to these things.

Haiz.

Lost fiddling

2008-09-06T21:21:00.002+08:00

Change is akin to a revolution. Swift, and painful. It's neither what everyone thinks it is, nor is it what I thought I would be most afraid of.

I always thought, I took change quite well. I guess that's what hindsight does for you, boosting your confidence in accepting change. Now on second thought, perhaps it wasn't very much so.

Funny how change changes itself.

4

2008-09-06T01:12:00.002+08:00

Bad luck runs logn, until I take one deep breath. It's like breathing, so long as u don't pause to breath it out it'll stay on you.

Anyway, running some emo songs through 4 speakers instead of 2 is so much cooler. Songs become very emo...

XD

2008-09-04T06:28:00.002+08:00

Sick on my first day of work >< And erm.. I lost my IPOD nano T__________T

I guess it's an omen that I shouldn't be listening to too much music during work! XD. I will take it in good faith, dear whoever who's deciding whatever...

From East To West

2008-09-01T19:34:00.003+08:00

From one jungle to another (the concrete one), from Banting's Pulapes camp site, (many thanks to the SAC members. As much as I think it's great, I think you guys are a little too stressed! XD), and tomorrow, Avillion Port Dickson with the rest of the September intake soon-to-be slaves of PriceWaterCooperHouse (MeaMY-It's intentional).

And we don't have consolidation prizes too! XD (CCO!!)

Well, ciao. Today's legally my first day of work. LEGALLY. But what the heck lah! Well, happy birthday to Chingyong and Chee yuen.