Pic belongs to jureba40
POST
MUSIC
PARKING LOT
CHAT
LAP RECORDS
SPONSORS/CREDITS
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Faith and doubt
I've learnt another thing whilst on this job. Sometimes, it is right to doubt others for their judgment. Sometimes, we must have faith in our own judgment and understanding of people. Sometimes, we must not side with them because they are our friends. Doubt, is subconscious. And our subconscious may be clearer than our conscious mind. Our discomfort is sometimes a natural reaction to something which our subconscious sense as.. inappropriate. Our instincts, are more honed than we believe. Instincts and the mind are counterchecks of each other. One will doubt the other, for it is our ability to reason between both, that gives us an edge. If you are withheld from promotion, and are thus dissatisfied, have you ever looked at yourself and ask why? Experience, isn't everything. Especially when all those years didn't seem to add into your competence, attitude and work-ethics. Knowledge isn't everything. It is our approach to life, and work, that matters. Oh, if only I could tell it to your face, that your misfortune and suffering may very well be your own doing.
Friday, August 07, 2009
On second..
Gotten a fair bit lost the other day, whilst trying to drive to my usual workplace. Traffic... well, is as usual, retarded. But I like traffic. Traffic... in KL, is about choices. Traffic, is human interaction at a larger scale. It's how people, choose. So many people, so limited choices.
We, as an individual in a particular car, too. So many ways to go a place, and with so many ways, so many lanes as well. Traffic.. is dynamic, and often the most common question we end up asking, WHAT IF, I was on that lane. What if, i took that other road. What if this, that and everything other the sun. Choice.
Yet we have to live with the choices we make, despite it all, despite the what ifs that come around, or the regrets that comes along the way. It's like being stuck in the wrong lane, when the lane just next to you is zooming past. Greed, is there. That urge to get ahead, is screaming in your mind. It's inherent in us, but it's easier to resist when we can tell ourselves that things will get better.
People are willing to put up with not getting something, if they are convincing that there's a bigger carrot at the end of the line. Delayed gratification, so they say, and I would say ourselves as auditors too, are willing to put it with so much for the same reasons.
Oh well. Sleep..
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Crimpted
It is not in the lack of spirit that wears one down, but one that so full of it and yet amounted to nothing.
-
I sometimes enjoy indulging myself, little treats to remind myself that happiness is not something that is given to us, but something that only we can give ourselves. It is that which reminds me so that work, will still be work, but misery or a sense of calm is one which we enforce onto ourselves.
And yet it is also a clear reminder, and note for my future reference, that one's sense of accomplishment and responsibility must arise from having a sense of control over one's life, or at least, significant elements of it. We want to feel empowered by our jobs, that the firm enables us to carry out what is expected of us, and in return we are rewarded. Hopefully I will remember when I have subordinates.
-
Sometimes training is what reminds us how normal working life it's like. Training is boring, we're generally blur, nothing much is expected out of us, (entirely like being a normal drone) and we go home at 5.30. To acclimatize ourselves for commerce, training for a month sounds appropriate.
-
Recently I've been really... disturbed by a particularly unsettling turn of events. I didn't expect it, but I should've known. I really should. Yet it is a good lesson, that some people are just... misguided. I'd wish I could slap the fella. I really, really do.
People are different. And in more ways than we think. I should keep that in mind.
-
I feel like I'm going nowhere with my life. Hmm... So, what now?
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sleep
In between the moments of the unconscious living, and the conscious dead, we tread, akin to walking a thin rope across ravine miles deep, our lives at stake for nothing, and I am but a cryptic fool drowned in boredom.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Grow up
I think it's hard to tell someone the truth. Especially when you know they are being stupid, immature, and unknowledgable, despite how they act all high and mighty. Even more, when they are your friends.
I once read that if they are really your friends, they deserve to know the truth. Yes. I'd love to give people a piece of the truth, but they won't want to hear it. People's perception as one who goes on telling people the truth about them, as someone who's out to break the status quo, or I'm just having a bad day.
Sad. If only there was a way to make a 'truth' tablet and let them eat it, and somehow 'enlighten' them to the truth about themselves. Heck, I could use a lot of those for myself!
Truth is bitter. Hard to swallow. But so is work. So is misery, shame, the feeling of being left behind. The jealousy and envy of watching others who lead better lives, are also bitter, and hard to swallow.
Still though, it's hard to be truthful to others. They take your remark not as a desire for them to be better, but as a complaint, a nag like a parent. Inevitably as a result of truth, we'll drive people away, out of fear, as people are all comfort-seeking creatures for all they claim not to be.
I am aware this also shoots me right back in the face. But sometimes, truth said out is both meant for others, and ourselves. In fact, subconsciously it may be this telling to ourselves, that voice inside projecting it's thoughts hoping that by writing, and typing, we somehow realise that we are a fallacy like any other, none the brighter but are where we are for our choices.
I call for a sense of humility, that we are not right. More often than we think, we are wrong, or if you wish to stretch the truth, half-right. Either way, it's not being perfectly right, as such ANY opinion you have, if criticized fairly, should be taken as such. Our ideas are flawed, for however right u may feel.
It's just so hard though, to tell them still that your thoughts lack depth. As in, they come across as something with little effort or thought put in, without a good 'thought process' as they call it, before it is iterated.
It is understandable, even 'justifiable' if we hold an opinion as a result of us feeling unfairness and victimization. As it is once used on me, the wolf calling an unreachable grape sour, this holds very true. But to make life changing decisions despite such emotions would be akin to knowingly and consciously limiting our choices, and thus I would call this absolute stupidity.
As we grow up, and I indeed hope most of us do (emotionally), we normally get our of this 'world revolves around us' mentality. Yes. That is normal. But what is also normal, is over-doing it.
Oh well. I'm sleepy. G'nite world.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
I used to remember something catchy, or thoughtful that occurred to me, and I'd write it either here, or somewhere. These days, those thoughts still come, but somehow when I actually got to writing it, it just slipped and I go like, 'oh, wtf was the thing that I wanted to write about again'. Then I go on trying to recall, but because it's so fleeting I have no recollection whatsoever.
I think my mind is more dispersed these days, as if I have that many things in my head that needs my attention (i don't). I probably need to start working on sudoku, and do a bit more 'analyzing' of things I'm genuinely interested in.
I think work, whilst it keeps the brain actives, it merely promotes routine use of certain segments. It is the trying of different activities, at different depths that keeps all those unknown segments awake.
So if I'm old someday, I'm not gonna work. Maybe I should do a PhD and do research :D
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
A twist
*kark* It kinda sounded like wood breaking, but then I realized.. it was my hand. Well, did you know that the cracking sound our hands make arises from nitrogen bubbles? (or so i recall, pending citations)
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Wake up
Shit.
Yeah. Generally.
I think it takes a while to hit you. We keep wishing and hoping that this is temporary, simply because we haven't accepted the fact that we're just growing up, and perhaps faster than we hoped. Still it's hard to believe that adulthood, and the miseries of WORK, is already here. Even harder to stomach is the fact that we have to accept such a lifestyle for the next few years. And most importantly, and perhaps most frighteningly, is how our dreams will get crushed before reality.
Work in itself, as of now does not depress me by much, as the bitter pill grows less bitter with daily consumption. (but doesn't change the fact that the pill is still bitter, u just don't taste much of it) The realization of age catching up, and adulthood so near, is what really frightens me as a person.
Reality, I hope, isn't as bad as I think it will be. Yet even 5-10 years into the future I can't see myself in any working position. Perhaps what ultimately scares anyone is work, is the sheer uncertainty of it. The time we're looking at is long. Financial security is vague, and happiness even more so. Every day we make a choice between money and happiness, each of those choices seem so mutually exclusive and yet somehow we still hope at the end of these many years we'd somehow get both.
If. Such a dangerous phrase. I'm resisting the temptation to use it, for I know I'll sink into the loop of wishing for things to change, but never doing anything.
Aih. Growing up sucks. Being an adult, sucks.
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Made Of Gods And Men
I'm thinking of getting another job. Another recommendations?
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Argh
Occasionally I descend into this fit of frustration. Not at anyone specifically, but the world at large. I think it's what happens when the usual outburst valve couldn't get rid of the irritation of having to deal with people (which are, by default, perceived as stupid, useless, and are where they are because some random stroke of luck). I would perhaps more accurately portray the outburst as my pointless attempt to somehow curse the world into changing it's ways.
Nay. But to no avail. Anger leads nowhere, but I do wish at times it does. Not just I wish it does, at times I wish I'd had to power to strike thunder from the heavens and purge the earth of the vile existence of some disgusting pile of junk. ARGH!!!! If I was the thundergod, I'd think M'sian government can probably contemplate developing lightning based powerplants, since I'd be zapping everyone.
I think most people of above-average intelligence die young. Simply because they try to impose sense on the world, to discover that there is none. I would say happiness and intelligence correlate as a
y = (x+z)^2 - 10
y = happiness
x = intelligence.
z = an unknown figure at the moment.
In a graph, it would show that people who are stupid. are generally happier. They have simpler goals, simpler targets, simpler concept of their world, which makes sense to them. "Smart" people, get stuck in imposing their ideals on the world and it backfires. On the other hand, "REALLY FUCKING SMART" people, actually can impose sense to teh world, and selectively view the world in a way the rest of us can't , and as a result are able to control the world.
Therefore,
Stupid = Happy
Average = Happy, but less happy.
Smart = Not happy.
Smarter than smart = Slightly happier than not happy
SUPERSMART = Happy (as a result of their ability to control the world)
Why?
Simple. Most smart people try to figure out their world, but because they are smart but not super smart, they can't figure it out. It's frustrating. And maddening. And drives people nuts.
Conclusion. Be stupid/super smart, but not inbetween. I fucking wish I was.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Faith and doubt
I've learnt another thing whilst on this job. Sometimes, it is right to doubt others for their judgment. Sometimes, we must have faith in our own judgment and understanding of people. Sometimes, we must not side with them because they are our friends. Doubt, is subconscious. And our subconscious may be clearer than our conscious mind. Our discomfort is sometimes a natural reaction to something which our subconscious sense as.. inappropriate. Our instincts, are more honed than we believe. Instincts and the mind are counterchecks of each other. One will doubt the other, for it is our ability to reason between both, that gives us an edge. If you are withheld from promotion, and are thus dissatisfied, have you ever looked at yourself and ask why? Experience, isn't everything. Especially when all those years didn't seem to add into your competence, attitude and work-ethics. Knowledge isn't everything. It is our approach to life, and work, that matters. Oh, if only I could tell it to your face, that your misfortune and suffering may very well be your own doing.
Friday, August 07, 2009
On second..
Gotten a fair bit lost the other day, whilst trying to drive to my usual workplace. Traffic... well, is as usual, retarded. But I like traffic. Traffic... in KL, is about choices. Traffic, is human interaction at a larger scale. It's how people, choose. So many people, so limited choices. We, as an individual in a particular car, too. So many ways to go a place, and with so many ways, so many lanes as well. Traffic.. is dynamic, and often the most common question we end up asking, WHAT IF, I was on that lane. What if, i took that other road. What if this, that and everything other the sun. Choice. Yet we have to live with the choices we make, despite it all, despite the what ifs that come around, or the regrets that comes along the way. It's like being stuck in the wrong lane, when the lane just next to you is zooming past. Greed, is there. That urge to get ahead, is screaming in your mind. It's inherent in us, but it's easier to resist when we can tell ourselves that things will get better. People are willing to put up with not getting something, if they are convincing that there's a bigger carrot at the end of the line. Delayed gratification, so they say, and I would say ourselves as auditors too, are willing to put it with so much for the same reasons. Oh well. Sleep..
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Crimpted
It is not in the lack of spirit that wears one down, but one that so full of it and yet amounted to nothing. - I sometimes enjoy indulging myself, little treats to remind myself that happiness is not something that is given to us, but something that only we can give ourselves. It is that which reminds me so that work, will still be work, but misery or a sense of calm is one which we enforce onto ourselves. And yet it is also a clear reminder, and note for my future reference, that one's sense of accomplishment and responsibility must arise from having a sense of control over one's life, or at least, significant elements of it. We want to feel empowered by our jobs, that the firm enables us to carry out what is expected of us, and in return we are rewarded. Hopefully I will remember when I have subordinates. - Sometimes training is what reminds us how normal working life it's like. Training is boring, we're generally blur, nothing much is expected out of us, (entirely like being a normal drone) and we go home at 5.30. To acclimatize ourselves for commerce, training for a month sounds appropriate. - Recently I've been really... disturbed by a particularly unsettling turn of events. I didn't expect it, but I should've known. I really should. Yet it is a good lesson, that some people are just... misguided. I'd wish I could slap the fella. I really, really do. People are different. And in more ways than we think. I should keep that in mind. - I feel like I'm going nowhere with my life. Hmm... So, what now?
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sleep
In between the moments of the unconscious living, and the conscious dead, we tread, akin to walking a thin rope across ravine miles deep, our lives at stake for nothing, and I am but a cryptic fool drowned in boredom.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Grow up
I think it's hard to tell someone the truth. Especially when you know they are being stupid, immature, and unknowledgable, despite how they act all high and mighty. Even more, when they are your friends. I once read that if they are really your friends, they deserve to know the truth. Yes. I'd love to give people a piece of the truth, but they won't want to hear it. People's perception as one who goes on telling people the truth about them, as someone who's out to break the status quo, or I'm just having a bad day. Sad. If only there was a way to make a 'truth' tablet and let them eat it, and somehow 'enlighten' them to the truth about themselves. Heck, I could use a lot of those for myself! Truth is bitter. Hard to swallow. But so is work. So is misery, shame, the feeling of being left behind. The jealousy and envy of watching others who lead better lives, are also bitter, and hard to swallow. Still though, it's hard to be truthful to others. They take your remark not as a desire for them to be better, but as a complaint, a nag like a parent. Inevitably as a result of truth, we'll drive people away, out of fear, as people are all comfort-seeking creatures for all they claim not to be. I am aware this also shoots me right back in the face. But sometimes, truth said out is both meant for others, and ourselves. In fact, subconsciously it may be this telling to ourselves, that voice inside projecting it's thoughts hoping that by writing, and typing, we somehow realise that we are a fallacy like any other, none the brighter but are where we are for our choices. I call for a sense of humility, that we are not right. More often than we think, we are wrong, or if you wish to stretch the truth, half-right. Either way, it's not being perfectly right, as such ANY opinion you have, if criticized fairly, should be taken as such. Our ideas are flawed, for however right u may feel. It's just so hard though, to tell them still that your thoughts lack depth. As in, they come across as something with little effort or thought put in, without a good 'thought process' as they call it, before it is iterated. It is understandable, even 'justifiable' if we hold an opinion as a result of us feeling unfairness and victimization. As it is once used on me, the wolf calling an unreachable grape sour, this holds very true. But to make life changing decisions despite such emotions would be akin to knowingly and consciously limiting our choices, and thus I would call this absolute stupidity. As we grow up, and I indeed hope most of us do (emotionally), we normally get our of this 'world revolves around us' mentality. Yes. That is normal. But what is also normal, is over-doing it. Oh well. I'm sleepy. G'nite world.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
I used to remember something catchy, or thoughtful that occurred to me, and I'd write it either here, or somewhere. These days, those thoughts still come, but somehow when I actually got to writing it, it just slipped and I go like, 'oh, wtf was the thing that I wanted to write about again'. Then I go on trying to recall, but because it's so fleeting I have no recollection whatsoever. I think my mind is more dispersed these days, as if I have that many things in my head that needs my attention (i don't). I probably need to start working on sudoku, and do a bit more 'analyzing' of things I'm genuinely interested in. I think work, whilst it keeps the brain actives, it merely promotes routine use of certain segments. It is the trying of different activities, at different depths that keeps all those unknown segments awake. So if I'm old someday, I'm not gonna work. Maybe I should do a PhD and do research :D
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
A twist
*kark* It kinda sounded like wood breaking, but then I realized.. it was my hand. Well, did you know that the cracking sound our hands make arises from nitrogen bubbles? (or so i recall, pending citations)
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Wake up
Shit. Yeah. Generally. I think it takes a while to hit you. We keep wishing and hoping that this is temporary, simply because we haven't accepted the fact that we're just growing up, and perhaps faster than we hoped. Still it's hard to believe that adulthood, and the miseries of WORK, is already here. Even harder to stomach is the fact that we have to accept such a lifestyle for the next few years. And most importantly, and perhaps most frighteningly, is how our dreams will get crushed before reality. Work in itself, as of now does not depress me by much, as the bitter pill grows less bitter with daily consumption. (but doesn't change the fact that the pill is still bitter, u just don't taste much of it) The realization of age catching up, and adulthood so near, is what really frightens me as a person. Reality, I hope, isn't as bad as I think it will be. Yet even 5-10 years into the future I can't see myself in any working position. Perhaps what ultimately scares anyone is work, is the sheer uncertainty of it. The time we're looking at is long. Financial security is vague, and happiness even more so. Every day we make a choice between money and happiness, each of those choices seem so mutually exclusive and yet somehow we still hope at the end of these many years we'd somehow get both. If. Such a dangerous phrase. I'm resisting the temptation to use it, for I know I'll sink into the loop of wishing for things to change, but never doing anything. Aih. Growing up sucks. Being an adult, sucks.
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Made Of Gods And Men
I'm thinking of getting another job. Another recommendations?
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Argh
Occasionally I descend into this fit of frustration. Not at anyone specifically, but the world at large. I think it's what happens when the usual outburst valve couldn't get rid of the irritation of having to deal with people (which are, by default, perceived as stupid, useless, and are where they are because some random stroke of luck). I would perhaps more accurately portray the outburst as my pointless attempt to somehow curse the world into changing it's ways.
Nay. But to no avail. Anger leads nowhere, but I do wish at times it does. Not just I wish it does, at times I wish I'd had to power to strike thunder from the heavens and purge the earth of the vile existence of some disgusting pile of junk. ARGH!!!! If I was the thundergod, I'd think M'sian government can probably contemplate developing lightning based powerplants, since I'd be zapping everyone.
I think most people of above-average intelligence die young. Simply because they try to impose sense on the world, to discover that there is none. I would say happiness and intelligence correlate as a
y = (x+z)^2 - 10
y = happiness
x = intelligence.
z = an unknown figure at the moment.
In a graph, it would show that people who are stupid. are generally happier. They have simpler goals, simpler targets, simpler concept of their world, which makes sense to them. "Smart" people, get stuck in imposing their ideals on the world and it backfires. On the other hand, "REALLY FUCKING SMART" people, actually can impose sense to teh world, and selectively view the world in a way the rest of us can't , and as a result are able to control the world.
Therefore,
Stupid = Happy
Average = Happy, but less happy.
Smart = Not happy.
Smarter than smart = Slightly happier than not happy
SUPERSMART = Happy (as a result of their ability to control the world)
Why?
Simple. Most smart people try to figure out their world, but because they are smart but not super smart, they can't figure it out. It's frustrating. And maddening. And drives people nuts.
Conclusion. Be stupid/super smart, but not inbetween. I fucking wish I was.
Dark Lord Of All Things Mortal
People, generally.
Mix the words up.
You have my thanks.
Blogskin created by Eclair, yours truly.
Base codings courtesy of Hilary, from her skin take to the sky. Inspiration also came from the same friend. :)
Picture belongs to muszka of Devianart, added, by myself, with thinking bubble and text.
Best viewed in 1026 x 768 pixels screen resolution, Mozilla Firefox.
|